I'm Not In Love - Chapter Ten

A/N: I’m going to go ahead and warn you that the rating on the chapters is going to go up because there is going to be drug-use. I do not own The Academy Is…, The Pink Spiders, Cobra Starship, or Sofapunch. This story is completely fictional.

It had been over two days since Jamie had heard anything from Andy. It had been three days since she slept. The crash was going to be spent traveling to their next tour spot. She had sent a dozen texts and left voice message. Jamie stopped just short of sounding desperate. Instead, now she checked her phone every ten minutes waiting for a response, but none came.

She didn’t hear anything from anyone else either. Most of her free time was spent with Eric, who didn’t catch on to her drug habit at all. Every couple of hours she was crawling back to Matt, tired and worn out, looking for a pick-me-up. Jamie didn’t want it to turn into addiction, but she couldn’t deny the sweet salvation that the pills offered her.

Eric would come and visit her when he had free time, and their friendship was finally getting back on track. Her friendships with Matt and Jon has also progressed, but she just pushed Bob away when he go to close for comfort for her.

It was really hot and Jamie was especially lonely, sitting behind the merch table by herself while The Pink Spiders were on stage. Matt always sent her updates from stage. In between songs he would take a picture of the crowd or say something like, “Just told everyone that if they spend over $50 in merch, you’d flash them.” But Jamie just desperately wanted to hear from Andy, not Matt.

Matt finally came back to the tent with a couple of beers in hand and greeted Jamie with a kiss on the cheek. He was followed closely by Bob and Jon, who Jamie left in charge as she turned her back to the fans with Matt.

“Here,” he said, “take these.”

Jamie pushed away his hand. “No, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You’ve been fuckin’ gloomy and miserable these past few days. This will make you forget him. Or, just not care about him.”

“I doubt that,” she said as she took the pills in her hand. She didn’t want to forget him or not care about him. She wanted him.

She shallowed the pills and flashed Matt a fake smile. “Aw, that’s better, little razorblade.” Jamie turned back to the crowd and picked up right were she had left off.

*****

The sun was almost completely set, which meant the more famous bands would be playing, attracting most of the crowds to the stages, and not the tents. This gave Jamie, and her fellow merch sellers, a rest from the crowds and a head start on breaking the tents down.

Jamie was folding some of the shirts and organizing one of the boxes while the guys had already started partying. The deal was she would clean up and organize everything, then call them to take everything to the truck.

She turned around and there was a geeky looking guy standing at the table holding out a camera. “Can I take a picture with you?” he asked shyly.

“Uh, you know I’m not in the band right?”

“Yeah, I already got pictures with the, but I think it would be awesome to take a picture with Matt Friction’s girlfriend.”

Jamie couldn’t contain her laughter after he had said that, but when she realized he was embarrassed by it, so stopped. “Sorry, it’s just that I’m definitely NOT dating Matt.”

She felt someone’s arm reach past her and took the camera. The whole ordeal made her jump out of surprise.

“I’ll take the picture,” Matt said. She turned around and was nose-to-nose with Matt. She could help but to smile and laugh at the goofy look on his face.

“Oh, you can’t ‘aren’t a couple,’” the guy said using air quotes. “I won’t tell,” he finished with a corny wink that failed to charm either Matt or Jamie.

Jamie walked around the table and rested her arm on the guy’s shoulder casually. She put on a sly smile before Matt took the picture. The camera gave Jamie more courage then she usually had. She decided to really take a picture of guy could really talk about. After removing his glasses and ruffled up his dark hair a little bit, she knew he was ready. The guy smiled at her and Jamie winked at matt, then grabbed him playfully by the shirt and pulled him into a kiss, while Matt took a couple of pictures.

“Well, that was nice,” she said after she pulled away from him. Jamie grabbed the camera from Matt and handed back to the guy.

In awe of what had just happened, the guy held out a sharpie as a way to ask her for her autograph. Jamie took the sharpie, and after hesitating for a moment about where to sign, grabbed his arm and signed “Little Razorblade XX”. She handed the pen back and he walked away speechless.

Jamie waited until he was out of earshot before she deemed it safe to turn to Matt and say, “I don’t get it! I’m nowhere near famous!”

Matt shook his head. “It’s not about that. It’s the fact that he just got kissed by the most beautiful girl that he’ll ever have the courage enough to talk to. I honestly feel bad for his future girlfriend, because no one will amount to you in his book.”

*****

The Academy Is’ tent wasn’t far from The Pink Spider’s. They were one row over, facing in the same direction, so Andy made a point of being at the ten as much as possible that day. He could see through the space between the other tents and positioned a chair perfectly looking at Jamie, not that he was sitting much with all the fans wanting his autograph.

Andy opted to stay behind with Alexis and pack up the merch, instead of going to see Cobra Starship play. A flash of color caught his attention and he looked up to see Jamie wasn’t behind the Spider’s table, but instead posing for picture with a guy.

Just seeing her have fun got him down. Andy had gotten her text messages and calls, but ignored them. He kind of like to see her upset over losing him.

He watched as she ruffled the guys hair, take his glasses off, and then kiss him. Yeah, she’s really caught up on you, Andy he thought to himself.

It looked like she was enjoying herself, too. The kiss lasted long and he could tell that she was oblivious to everything going on around her, like the group of drunk jerks walk by and whistled at her.

Why am I so upset at other people kissing her and looking at her? We weren’t even that serious, he thought to himself again. It’s true, she had her trance over him, just as William had said earlier in the week.

The real killer was when she grabbed a pen and the guy’s arm and wrote some sort of message on him. Probably a phone number.

Andy didn’t care to see anymore, so he turned around and immersed himself in conversation with a small group of female fans that had gathered around. This was just the distraction that he needed. He grabbed a beer from their cooler, cracked it open, and started flirting shamelessly with a couple of the girls.

*****

It took awhile for Alexis to finish packing up, especially with a drunk, sloppy Andy getting in the way. Finally, she convinced him to go hang out with “someone, …PLEASE ANYONE besides me(!!!)” and watch as he stumbled off.

Matt had kept Jamie company the whole time she was cleaning up. Jamie could feel the drugs wearing off as she grew more tired by the minute. Matt called Job to come and help with the boxes, leaving Jamie to watch over the other merchandise.

Both guys grabbed a couple of boxes and started down the aisle toward the buses.

“Oh, shit, isn’t that Andy up there?” Jon nodded down the aisle and, sure enough, Andy was stumbling toward them with two girls on his arms.

“He’s headed right for Jamie, if she sees him like that, it’ll break her heart” Matt said as he turned around with Jon and walked back to the tent quickly. Matt pulled Jamie out of her seat behind the table and handed her the two boxes. “Here, take these. My back hurts. I’ll stay here. Oh, and you have to go that way” Matt pointed in the complete opposite directions from the buses, guiding her away from Andy.

“But the buses are…”Jamie started.

“Yeah, I know but it’s crowded down there.” Matt watched as Jon escorted Jamie most of the way down the aisle before Andy came up.

“Where’ssss Jamie?” Butcher asked drunkenly.

“Not here,” Matt responded. “What’s going on, Andy?” He waited for an answer but didn’t get one. “Why are you doing this? Jamie likes you and you’re breaking her heart.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care about her. She’s a slut anyway,” one of the girls that Andy was with laughed at this and Andy smiled down to her, pulled her close, and began to kiss her.

“Get out of here, man” Matt waved them away quickly and a minute later Jamie and Jon were back.

“It’s totally not crowded down there,” Jamie motioned down the aisle, slightly out of breath from carrying the heavy boxes. “You’re just lazy. Get up and help me.” She tried pulling Matt up, but he wouldn’t budge, so she took a sit on his lap. “Or, I could just text Bob to come and do the rest of the work.”

Jamie had finally organized the guys and got them to start cleaning up in her spot. She decided to sneak away and try to see Andy before the buses headed out for the night and through the next day. She texted Andy as a warning, but of course there was no answer. Whe she finally got to the bus, she expected at least someone sitting outside, but there was no one is sight, so she banged on the door until someone answered. It was Sisky.

“Hey Sisky, is Andy there?”

“No, he’s not. Well, he is, but he can’t see you.”

“Please, Sisky? You don’t even have to tell him it’s me.”

“Jamie, he can’t see you.”

She couldn’t hold back the tears. “I’ve lost everyone, Sisky. Everyone. If Butcher won’t see me, will you at least talk to me?”

Sisky sighed, looked a little uncomfortable, but decided to deny a crying girl. “We’re supposed to be hitting the road in a couple of minutes, but let’s hang out at the next tour spot.”

She thanked him, gave him a hug, and then headed back to the bus, wiping the tears as she went. The guys were all on there and ready to go. As soon as she boarded the bus, the driver closed the door, started the bus, and almost immediately began to move.

Jon and Bob were watching T.V. and Matt was by the bunks. The energy was dripping out of Jamie, but she grabbed Matt and pulled him to her.

“Sleep with me,” she said. Matt had a look of utter shock. “Nothing weird, I just want you to hold me. I need you to hold me,” she pleaded and got into the bunk, followed by Matt. The last thing Jamie remembered before closing her eyes was Matt wrapping his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

I'm Not In Love - Chapter Nine

The walk back to the buses was awkward because no one would speak to Jamie. They were acting as if she did something horrible to all of them.

Jamie came up behind Andy and grabbed his hand as an attempt to bring them closer. She rested her head on his shoulder, hoping that everything would be alright. But he let go of her hand and brushed away her closeness, forcing her to lift her head.

She mentally admitted defeat and fell to the back of the group, where her only company was Matt and Bob. Jamie was relieved when Matt finally started to talk to her, even if it was about the haunting silence.

“How are you doing, baby?” he asked as he pulled her close by wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“Good, now that someone is finally talking to me.” She smiled up at him, noticing how blue his eyes really were.

Matt kissed the side of her head. “Good. Now, we seriously need to talk about your uniform for working. We got you a couple of presents, they’re back on the bus.”

When they finally arrived there, she saw what exactly he was talking about. They had bought her a couple of pairs of really short, black shorts and a some tight, brightly colored tank tops. All Jamie could think about was how these were clothes that she would have never have bought for herself, or even bothered to look at. She tried them on and they fit like a glove but as she examined herself in the mirror she couldn’t help but notice how much of a whore she looked like.

She pulled her unruly hair into a ponytail and rubbed dark make-up over her eyelids, despite the fact that she always thought she looked better in natural tone make-up. There was a familiar bottle on the sink that Jamie took a couple of pills out of. “Just to hold me over” she convinced herself. After she looked in the mirror a second time, she found someone she didn’t recognize starring back at her. She practically had given up her identity since this whole thing started.

Jamie opened the bathroom door and struck a pose for Jon, Bob, and Matt, who were sitting around the kitchen table.

“Jamie, you look hot!” Jon exclaimed.

“Yeah, almost perfect” Matt started, and finished his thought as he pulled the pony tail out of her hair. “Much better” he said as her blonde hair cascaded down to her mid-back.

Jamie tried to convey a look to him that said something, like “Are you serious? It’s nearly 100 degrees out there and it’s not even 9 am yet.” But when she spoke, all that came out of her mouth was “Whatever”, followed closely by “I’ll be right back”. She moved toward the front of the bus, but paused when she felt someone’s hand on her ass. Jamie turned around slowly on toes, and as she did, Bob’s hand traveled over her smooth legs to her inner theigh.

“Seriously, Bob?! Get off of me” she yelled and backed away.

“What?” he asked, “I figured I’d stake my claim before Andy breaks-up with you. First dibs.” He turned and looked for encouragement from his bandmates.

“One, Bob, Andy and I aren’t that serious. And two, never in your life time will I ever let you do that again.” She heard the guys laughing at Bob as she descended the stairs. Jamie walked right by the TAI bus, and the people sitting outside of it, they weren’t who she was looking for anyway.

Alexis broke Jamie out her trance when she stood to greet her. “Jamie,” Alexis said, waiting for Jamie to stop and respond.

“Oh, hey, Alexis! I didn’t even see you guys there.” Looking around she noticed Mike, Michael, Bill, and Alexcis standing out the bus. “How are you?”

“Andy is in the bus, if that’s who you’re looking for. Why are you dressed like that? You look like a hooker.” Jamie didn’t know what to say, she could only watch as Mike lightly elbowed Alexis in the side. In a hushed voice, as if she was trying to defend herself, Alexis continue, “Well, look at her, she does.”

“Uh…” Jamie didn’t know how to continue, and she was too distracted to notice Bill approaching her.

“I really like your hair down. It’s long,” he said as he grabbed a couple of strand of her hair. Jamie backed away, not wanted to piss off Alexis, but it was too late. Alexis stepped forward and raised her hand. Jamie closed her eyes and waited for the blow, but opened her eyes a couple of seconds later to see Alexis was only grabbed for Bill’s hand.

After deciding that she could deal with these people anymore, Jamie walked away, before anything else went wrong. She walked toward the SofaPunch bus. She heard Andy yell her name a couple of times, but didn’t acknowledge him. He deserved to be ignored after he ignored her that morning.

She boarded the SofaPunch bus and immediately regretted her decision. Jamie was regretted with silent stares and it made her feel self-conscience and uncomfortable. But she knew it was worth it in order to find the one person that could never stay mad at her for too long.

The curtain of Eric’s bottom bunk was partially open, so she didn’t feel back pulling the rest of it back and crawling in next to him, which interrupted his reading.

She nuzzled close to him, taking in his familiar scent. “Eeeeerrrriiiccccc,” she whined, “I miss you. Can we be best friends again?”

Eric put down his book. “Who’s mad at you now?”

“Andy. And Nate…and Sisky, probably Bob, definitely Alexis, I don’t know about Mike,” her voice trailed off, leaving time for Eric.

“You can’t just treat me the way that you did and then assume I forgive you automatically because you come over here wearing black booty shorts.” Jamie look up at Eric and pushed out her bottom lip in a pouty expression. “Butttt, you know that I’ll always love you and of course we’re still best friends.”

“I knew the booty shorts were a good idea.” Jamie responded.

*****
Andy hurried back into the bus to grab some shorts and his phone. He wanted to catch up with Jamie before she got too far away, especially because he didn’t know where she was going. He ran down the steps and looked in the direction she walked, but he could no longer see her.

“I don’t even know why you bother with her” Alexis spat.

Andy was too frustrated to respond to her. He felt someone walk up next to him and from the corner of his eye he saw that it was Bill. “Dude, she went that way” he said and pointed off into the distance.

Alexis rolled her eyes and pulled Bill toward her. “I don’t know why you’re going after her, Butcher. You deserve so much better. I mean, come on, did you even see what she was wearing?”

“No, I didn’t happen to she her outfit, Alexis, and I go after her because I like her! Is that okay with you? I’m tired of having everyone judge her and me, for liking her, but her behavior is just because of the bad influence, and I know she’s better then that.” Andy was about to walk away when he stopped himself, “And Alexis, you aren’t exactly in the best position to give relationship advice. You’re always trying to change Bill and you’re a bitch 90 percent of the time, I don’t know how he stands you. Jamie has done NOTHING wrong to you, so stop treating her this way.”

Andy stormed off, leaving his friends in awe of his behavior.

*****
Jamie and Eric had spent a couple of minutes sorting out their problems and issues when she checked her phone.

“Shit, I need to go” she said as she practically rolled out of the bunk because it was so low to the ground. SofaPunch had had to get a special bus to accomadate all of their members.

Eric walked her out of the bus and pulled her into a tight hug. “It’s good to have you back,” he said and heard her laugh a little, “you know I love you, forever. Call me later.” He had whispered the last part into her ear. She smiled and buried her face deeper into his shirt. She couldn’t get enough of the old familiar smell that brought back amazing memories of previous tours.

*****
Andy was approaching a bus with, what looked like, a couple standing next to it. The girl resembled Jamie, but Andy had convinced himself that she would never wear that outfit in public. He heard the guy whisper and then the girl pulled away from what looked like a pretty passionate hug.

“Okay, see ya later,” the girl said and Andy instantly recognized the voice to be Jamie’s. Then he remembered what Alexis had said about what she was wearing, and as mad as Andy was at Alexis, he couldn’t disagree. She looked hot, but it wasn’t her style at all. He was embarrassed by his stalker-like actions and childishly hid behind a bus.

“Oh, and Jamie?” The guy yelled after her and Andy watched as Jamie turned around to look at him again. “Your ass looks great in those shorts!”

“Whatever, Eric.”

Why did I ever ignore her Andy wondered to himself. She’s already back with her ex-boyfriend and she doesn’t care about me. How could she already be with someone else. I guess I really liked her more then she liked me and she doesn’t care about me. All of these thoughts rushed through Andy’s mind at the same him. It was then that he came to the conclusion that he didn’t need to see her anymore and he wasn’t going to put in the effort if she wasn’t.