Reckless Decadence - Chapter 2

A/N - Thank you to KAZ and Chloe for reading/reviewing on the other website. You guys are awesome. I'm going to try to update again within the next 2 days, but I can't make any definite promises.

Chapter 2

"Lies are wide and black and blue
They hide inside those big brown eyes"
Lies - The Pierces

“YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM?!” Harriet screeched into the phone.

“No. We didn’t have sex. We did other things, but we didn’t have sex.”

“But what about his girlfriend? What’s her name? Fallon?”

The guilt churned Bryn’s stomach and she felt a wave of nausea hit her, “I don’t know. I guess we just drank too much. I don’t really think it was a conscious decision to cheat on his girlfriend. It just kinda happened.”

By this point Mary had completely stopped pretending to organize the papers in front of her and was blatantly staring at Bryn with her mouth gaping open. Bryn glared at her and whispered into the phone, “Harriet, I’ve got to go. I’m at work now, and people are listening to my conversation and judging me. I’ll call you when I get home tonight.”

“Alright. You’d better call me though. I’m dying to know what’s going to happen between you two.”

Bryn hung up the phone and stole a glance at Mary. The woman was sneering at her. She decided just to brush her off and head back to the reference section to finish her work.

*****

William walked into the small apartment he shared with his girlfriend Fallon, to find her sitting on the couch leafing through the pages of a magazine. She looked up and smiled her bright smile at him, and overwhelming guilt ripped through his stomach. “Hi honey,” he kissed her gently on the lips, “Sorry I didn’t come home last night.”

“It’s okay,” Fallon was so surprisingly cool about this kind of stuff, that it made him feel even more guilty, “I figured you were drunk and stayed somewhere. I’d rather have you sleep at someone else’s house then stumble around the city on your own in the middle of the night.”

‘Why is she so good to me?’ William mentally berated himself. ‘Why can’t she be like normal women and just get pissed? It would be so much easier if she would just yell at me.’

“Did you have a good time, though?” she asked.

“Yeah. It was alright,” he lied. He didn’t want to let on that he’d had an amazing time. She might start to ask questions.

“Who all was there?”

“Just Bryn and a friend of hers. Harriet, I think,” the lies kept pouring out. Of course he knew Harriet’s name, but the less interested he seemed in the night, the less suspicious Fallon would be.

“Oh, that must have been fun! How is Bryn doing these days?” Fallon and Bryn had had met on numerous occasions and had always gotten along well, but they had never really developed a friendship. So why was Fallon so curious about her now?

“I don’t know. I guess she’s okay. You know…” He walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

“What was she wearing?” Fallon called from the living room, “She always wears the best clothes.”

‘A black tunic dress just long enough to cover everything that should be covered, with a hot pink belt and pink and black extremely-high heels,’ he said to himself, but instead of saying this aloud, poked his head around the corner to the living room and raised an eyebrow, “Honey, really? How do you expect me to remember that sort of thing? I’m a guy.”

“You have no idea what she was wearing?” Fallon asked skeptically.

“It was some black thing, with some kind of pink thing,” he motioned toward his waist as he said the word “pink thing” and shrugged.

“Okay, okay. I get it. You don’t notice that stuff,” Fallon laughed.

William walked back into the kitchen, opened the cabinet over the sink and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. He opened the bottle extracted three pills and swallowed them. He knew that if he didn’t, he’d have one hell of a stress headache by the end of this day.

*****

“Well, what’s the deal with you guys then?” Harriet asked over the phone late the next afternoon. Bryn had accidentally fallen asleep as soon as she’d gotten home from the library the day before, and this was the first chance she was getting to talk to Harriet since their cut-off conversation the day before.

“What do you mean?” Bryn asked innocently.

“You know what I mean.”

“We were drunk, Harriet. Things happen when people drink too much. It’s not the end of the world.”

“So he’s not telling Fallon?”

“No. And why should he? It’s not like there’s any feelings there. It was a drunken mistake, and we both know it. I like Fallon a lot, and I don’t think there’s any need to hurt her over this one dumb little incident that didn’t mean anything.”

“You can’t possibly tell me that it meant nothing to you, Bryn. I know you used to like him.”

“That was a long time ago,” Bryn thought back to when she and Bill had first met at her first job. She walked into her first day of work at The Gap, and was told to report to Bill for training. Back then she’d had a huge crush on him that she’d disguised, knowing he had a girlfriend, and not wanting to be that crazy girl who crushed on a guy who obviously wasn’t interested in her. Besides, they had become close friends in the few months that they worked there, and often hung out after shifts, and even outside of work. Bill was a good friend and she didn’t want to lose his friendship by confessing that she had a huge crush on him. Eventually he’d left The Gap to record his CD, and they kept in contact, and still remained friends, but after not seeing him every day, her feelings began to fade. Now she just considered him a friend. An extremely good-looking friend, but nothing more.

“But this didn’t bring back any of those old feelings?” Harriet asked.

As she was about to answer, Bryn’s computer emitted a bloop noise, and she looked down at it. Her GMail messenger away message read, “Bored. What’s everyone up to tonight?” and a new message blinked from screen name billbeckett:

“No definite plans, but was thinking about heading out to a local bar near my house. You’re welcome to come if you want.”

“Harriet, can I call you back later?” Bryn asked.

“Sure, but why?”

“Bill just IM’d me about hanging out tonight. I want to see what’s going on and then I’ll call you back later.”

“Seriously? You are so not over him.”

“Shut up. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Whatever, loser,” Harriet hung up her line and Bryn closed her phone and set it down on her bed next to her.

Into the computer she typed, “which bar?”

“Conrads. It’s right around the corner from my place.”

“Who’s all going?”

“No one yet. Just me. And possibly you?”

“Can we go somewhere in between? I don’t want to drive a half hour. Especially after drinking.”

“I don’t want to drive either. Why don’t you park here. We’ll walk to the bar and you can crash on the couch at my place.”

‘Oh my God, what is he thinking?’ she screamed inside her head, ‘I can’t go over there if Fallon is there!’ “Where is Fallon? Isn’t she coming?” she wrote.

“No. She has to get up early in the morning to go to work. Why?”

“So she’s home?”

“Yeah, why?”

“This sounds weird, but I feel awkward going there when she’s home.”

It took a very long minute for him to respond, “Oh… yeah. I can understand that.”

“So lets meet somewhere in between?”

“I don’t want to drive.”

An exasperated sigh escaped Bryn’s lips, “Then why don’t you come here. Same deal. You can sleep on the couch if you’re too tired/drunk to drive.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a great idea.”

“Well do you have any others?”

“No. I guess that’s what I’ll do. I’ll stop by at around nine?”

“Sounds good.”

“K. See you then!”

Bryn snapped her computer shut, let out another deep sigh, closed her eyes, and lay back on her bed. This was just getting interesting.

Reckless Decadence - Chapter 1

Author’s Note:
Hello all! This story is called Reckless Decadence after a lyric in The Pink Spider’s song “Modern Swinger”. This story is in no way really related to that song, but I felt that that one particular lyric summed it up quite nicely, especially after realizing that my first choice (The Hardest Thing to Swallow… from Seed) sounded like a bad porn flick, and my second choice (All My Good Intentions… from Rumored Nights) was el lame-o. This is going to be a really long story, and the chapters are probably going to be pretty short, but there will be many of them. It will be written in third person, but with the POV of multiple character’s expressed throughout (unlike, say, Down and Out, which 95% of the time only followed Julia). It is a William fic (if you didn’t know that was coming, either you’re a noob or you’re really silly.)

The nature of this story is going to be somewhat controversial, but please keep an open mind when reading it. I don’t want to give too much away, but to explain a little further, this isn’t a slash or anything like that. I just don’t want anyone to be angry about the main female character’s role in the story. You’ll see why once you start it.

Usual disclaimer applies: I do not know/own TAI or any of the members of the band (I almost wrote character there. I don’t own TAI’s character’s either), or anything/anyone else with a name you recognize. The situations expressed in this story are all fictional. However, Bryn, Harriet, Mary, Fallon, etc, are all my characters.

If you read the story, I would greatly appreciate if you review!

Love,
Heavyheart21 (resorting to old sn for the mere purpose of not wanting people I know to know I write fan fiction. Lol)

Chapter 1

“You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night”

Waking Up In Vegas – Katy Perry

“Join our hands and come along, the day’s about to dawn. You feel it coming on and on, the hours upon you now, it won’t be long. You feel it coming…”, Bryn’s cell phone alarm woke her out of a dead sleep, and it took her a minute, in her darkened surroundings, to remember where she was. Harriet’s apartment didn’t have windows in the living room, and Bryn couldn’t remember where the nearest light was, so she felt her way around the edge of the futon mattress until she found her phone, which was still blasting the Phantom Planet song. It wasn’t until he groaned loudly and covered his face with his pillow that Bryn even remembered that William was sleeping next to her. And in an instant, clouded memories from the night before flashed before her eyes.

“Oh my God,” she moaned, “What did we do?”

“I told you you were going to regret it,” Bill’s muffled voice came from under the pillow.

“You did? I don’t remember that,” Bryn racked her brain.

“It was the last thing I said to you before we fell asleep.”

“I don’t remember that. I remember the other stuff, but not that.”

“Why are we up right now?” he pulled the pillow off of his face, “It’s pitch black outside.”

“You can’t see outside from the living room. There are no windows,” Bryn pointed out to him, “But we’re up because I have to go to work.”

“Oh good, I’m going back to sleep now,” he rolled over.

“No, you can’t. You have to get up too,” Bryn nudged him. She was still laying on her back, too deliriously tired to move.

“Why? I don’t have to work.”

“Yeah, but Harriet’s roommate doesn’t know you, and you only met Harriet last night. You have to leave with me.”

Another muffled groan erupted from the pillow next to her, and in one fluid moment he sat up. “Hand me my boxers?”

*****

Despite the early hour, the sun was bright and the air was already hot, and Bryn knew that it was going to be a typical sweltering July day. “Can we just never talk about this again, and pretend it never happened?” She asked; an awkward beginning of their walk to the train station.

William stared at her for a moment, before nodding his head, “Yeah, of course. Nothing ever happened.”

“Soooo….” Bryn used the filler to stall for time as she thought of something to talk about next. “What are your plans for the rest of the summer?”

“We have a small tour in a few weeks. Fallon may join us if she can get some time off work. It should be pretty fun.”

“Yeah… sounds like fun,” she couldn’t believe how easily he brought his girlfriend’s name into the conversation considering the events of the night before, but figured that maybe he was just excellent at pretending.

William talked about the tour, and Bryn half-listened as they walked the ten minute walk to the station, and upon finally arriving they turned awkwardly to each other.

“Which train?” William asked.

“Hmm?” Bryn still wasn’t completely paying attention, but brought her attention back around to him, “Oh, purple line.”

“I’m red.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah…” he exhaled loudly.

“So, I’ll see you soon, I guess,” she half-smiled.

“Yeah. Bye,” he made a move to hug her - their usual goodbye - but she backed away, and stuck out her hand for him to shake.

He laughed as he shook it, “this isn’t going to be awkward forever, you know.”

She smiled at him, but her insides were screaming, HOW DO YOU KNOW?!

*****

On the train, Bryn was busy trying to put the pieces together. They had started off at Angels and Kings to see a band that she didn’t really care about in the first place, and she remembered later, dancing in a club-like setting at a different building. What she didn’t have any recollection of was how they had gotten there, and then how they had gotten from the club to Harriet’s place, and why William had stayed. He could have easily taken a cab home.

Nearby, another passenger’s phone started ringing with T.I. and Rhianna’s “Live Your Life”, and another flashback popped into Bryn’s head. Dancing, no, not dancing, grinding with Bill at the club to this song. And he had, what? He had kissed her neck? She wasn’t sure if the memory was real or if her mind was playing tricks on her, so she took out her phone and sent a text to Harriet: Call me at work ASAP!

*****

“You’re late,” Bryn’s coworker Mary glared at her as she rushed into the main door of the library in a flurry.

“I took the train. The train was late, therefore I am late. Sorry,” Bryn offered the half-assed apology, not really feeling apologetic at all. Mary was only twenty-two, but had the demeanor of a grouchy ninety-seven year old cat lady.

“You can make up for it during your lunch hour.”

Bryn turned around, putting her purse in a lockable drawer, and rolled her eyes. Mary wasn’t even her boss, but she knew that if she didn’t take the fifteen minutes out of her lunch hour, then Mary would actually turn around and tell her boss, “whatever,” she muttered under her breath.

“Also, the reference section needs to be reorganized. You can do it since you’ve neglected to for the past three weeks.”

Bryn wanted to tell Mary all about what else she would reorganize if she kept giving her orders, but instead stalked off to the reference section to start her work.

A little over an hour passed, and Bryn had barely made any progress in the section. It really was a mess. So when Mary walked up and stood at the end of the long aisle to inform her of a personal phone call at the front desk, Bryn was happy for the break.

She knew where the phone was located at the front desk, but Mary accompanied her anyway, most likely so that she could eaves drop on the conversation Bryn was about to have.

“We aren’t supposed to get personal phone calls, so keep it short,” Mary barked at her as she handed her the phone receiver.

“Hello, Bryn speaking,” she greeted her caller, and glanced over at Mary, who had averted her eyes, but had busied herself with sorting through a stack of papers.

“It’s Harriet.”

Bryn could tell she had just woken up by the huskiness of her voice. “Hey. I hate to have to ask you this, but what exactly happened last night? I don’t remember much of anything past Angels and Kings.” She could feel Mary’s gaze shift to her as she spoke.

“Oh. My. God. Girl, you were so drunk!” Harriet laughed, “Bill was too. You guys were all over each other the entire night, well at least after we got to Visions. You guys were dancing all up on each other and everything. He was even kissing your neck!” She paused to laugh again, “You guys were so fucked up. It was hilarious.”

Bryn groaned, “How did we get back to your place?”

“We walked. You guys held hands. It was very cute. Bill originally said he was walking us home so that the two of us weren’t walking around the city by ourselves at night, trying to make himself seem gentlemanly, I’m sure. But when we got to my house he said he was too drunk to get home by himself - which was true - so I told him to sleep on the futon, and I told you to sleep in my bed with me.”

“But I woke up in the futon.”

“Yeah. You refused to get into my bed. You told me you didn’t want to wake me up in the morning while you were getting ready for work, but I know that you really just wanted to get with Bill.”

“I did not sleep there so that I could ‘get’ with him!” Bryn tried to protest unconvincingly. She knew that that was precisely the reason why she’d wanted to sleep on the futon too.

“How the fuck do you know why you did anything? You don’t even remember!”

“Not true I remember one part pretty vividly.”

“Oh, really?” Harriet asked, “And what exactly do you remember?”

“The getting with him part,” Bryn mumbled and turned away from Mary as she said it, but she could feel her co-worker’s judgmental gaze burning into her back anyway.

William and the Case of the Little Curly Hairs

A/N – This goes with Chapter 7 of Danielle’s story I’m Not In Love, and explains why Alexis was crying. I was debating on whether I wanted to go for the drama or for the humorous, and the humorous won out of course. There’s no flashback in this, even though that’s kinda become the norm with these little segments. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Normal disclaimer applies.

William and the Case of the Little Curly Hairs

I stood over the sink and rung out the rag that I had just used to scrub the bathroom floor. It was spotless now, and it smelled clean. I took a deep breath in and the chemical smell of Comet wafted lightly through the air, completely superior to the urine and vomit smell that it replaced.

I stepped into the bunk area, inspecting the job I had done to make sure everything was clean. I had folded everyone’s clothes that had littered the floor and had placed them on their beds so that they could put them away, and then I had even made their beds. It was so tiring living with a bunch of guys who really didn’t care about how clean their bus was, and I smiled as I walked up to the front of the bus to make myself some tea.

“Finally,” I said to myself as I inspected the common area for anything I’d missed as I headed over to the cabinet for a mug, “clean at last!”

“Who are you talking to?” Adam asked. He had just walked into the bus followed by the other guys.

“Myself,” I said, a little embarrassed, “I just cleaned.”

“Mmm,” Michael said nodding. He was the only one to even acknowledge that I had said anything.

“I need to change,” Mike said, walking to the bunk area. I watched as he looked quizzically at his made bed and the folded clothes, and then gasped as he picked up the pieces of clothing one by one, unfolding them, deciding that he didn’t want to wear them, and then throwing them on the floor.

“Mmmm-Mike,” I stuttered, pretty pissed at this point, “I just folded those.”

He looked up at me, smiled and said, “Thanks Alexis,” as he walked past me to the door, obviously heading out to get more clothes.

“But…” I stammered pointing at the pile of clothes on the floor next to his bunk, but he was already out the door. I took a deep breath and turned to William, trying to forget what had just happened, “How did the signing go?”

“There were a lot of people there. They all seemed to be fans of the band too!” he smiled thinking about how many fans he had just encountered and I didn’t question his logic. Of course everyone there was a fan of the band. Why would they be at the signing if they weren’t? I let it go. “I’m going to take a shower. I feel pretty gross.” He kissed my forehead before grabbing his towel and heading to the bathroom.

“Hey, are you making tea?” Tony asked me as I finally got the chance to grab my mug out of the cabinet.

“Yeah, do you want some?” I asked, reaching for an extra tea bag for him.

“Sure!” I placed the extra tea bag in a mug, filled them both with water, and stuck them in the microwave. When the time was up, I pulled them out and handed him his mug. He placed it on the counter and reached for the honey, squeezing some into the cup and then dribbling some of the honey onto the countertop before closing it and putting it back.

“Tony!” I exclaimed. He was already half way to the couch.

“What?” he turned back around.

“You dripped honey on the counter,” I pointed.

“Oops!” he scrunched his lips together and shrugged before turning back around and sitting on the couch. I glared at him as I wet a new rag and wiped the spot clean.

Frustrated, I knew that Andy and Michael had headed to the back of the bus and I decided to head back there to get away from the craziness in the front. “Hey Alexis,” Michael said as I opened to flimsy door. They were watching a movie and eating Cheetos. “Come watch the movie with us,” he patted the spot next to him on the couch, “it’s about this dog who gets lost but he learns how to talk so that he can find his way home. It sounds like a real winner.”

I disagreed with his idea of a winning movie, but decided not to voice my opinion and join them anyway. How bad could it possibly be? I watched the screen as a family gave up their search for the lost dog and pulled their car away from their camp site. “That’s bullshit!” Andy yelled at the screen, “what the fuck kind of people would just leave their dog behind on vacation?” I looked at him as he reached into the bag of Cheetos, stuffed some in his mouth, and then wiped his cheesy fingers on the sofa cushion. Scowling, I got up from my seat. I needed to take a walk and get out of this bus.

As I walked back into the bunk area, I noticed that Mike was back. He was standing with his shirt off in the middle of his pile of clothes, “Alexis, have you seen my red shirt?”

“No, Mike,” I gritted my teeth.

“Are you sure you didn’t give it to someone else when you were folding our clothes?” he reached over to Adam’s bunk and started rifling through the pile of clothes, accidentally dumping them on the floor, and when realizing that the shirt wasn’t in Sisky pile, started to search through Michael’s without picking Sisky’s clothes up.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” The phrase started out as a low growl in my throat and then graduated into a high-pitched scream that resonating the entire length of the bus.

The bathroom door opened and William pulled me inside and closed the door again. He was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his lower half. “What’s the matter, Lexi?” he kissed my neck as he spoke the words and I smiled, feeling the frustration leave my body.

“It’s just that I cleaned all day today, and everything was perfect and it’s already a mess.”

“You cleaned today?” he asked, looking at me in wonder.

“Yes, I said it earlier when you guys first came on the bus,” I pointed out.

“Oh yeah, I remember something about that. I didn’t know that you really cleaned. I thought that was like a metaphor.”

I looked at him confused, “What? What could that possibly be a metaphor for?”

He shrugged, “Does it matter?” he kissed my neck again making me swoon and have to steady myself against the door.

“No, I guess not,” I muttered, pressing my lips against his.

He turned us around, most likely so that he could lift me onto the sink, when I felt my rubber flip flop splash against the wet floor. I broke the kiss and looked down at the floor for the first time since entering the bathroom. A huge puddle extended out of the shower and across the bathroom floor. My eyes wandered up to the shower stall and I gasped in disgust, “William, you’re hair is all over the side of the shower stall. I just cleaned this.”

“That’s not all my hair,” he protested, “My hair is the long, straight brown ones, not the short and curly ones.”

“I just washed this,” I said through clenched teeth, “It’s all yours.”

“Impossible,” he griped.

I raised one eyebrow and looked down at the part of his body that was covered in the towel, hoping to make my point, before pointing between the shower stall and the puddle on the floor, “clean this up,” I practically barked at him on my way out the door.

As I passed through the kitchenette on my way out the door, I took in the sight of Jack sitting at the little table eating a sandwich, the makings still left on the counter. I shook my head as I quickened my pace and propelled myself out the door. I couldn’t stop the tears of frustration as they welled up in my eyes, and I sat down on the bed of green grass and covered my face with my hands, trying to get myself under control.

After a little while I heard Tony, Jack and Mike leave the bus together, “What’s up with her?” Tony whispered obviously talking about me.

“I don’t know. Girls are weird. They just cry like that sometimes,” Mike whispered in response as they walked away.

A moment later the door to the bus opened again and William stepped out, wearing actual clothes this time, “I cleaned up the bathroom,” he smiled, reaching his hand out to me. I took it and let him pull me to my feet, “Including my hair, and that other person’s hair.” For some reason, this made me cry harder, and Will pulled me into a tight hug, “Shh,” he cooed, “It’s okay. We’ll find out who that hair belongs to, I promise.”

“Alexis, what’s wrong?” A woman’s voice asked and I looked up to see Jamie.

“Nothing,” I said, rubbing my eyes and wishing I wasn’t crying. Now that I was outside of the bus, the entire thing seemed stupid, “Everything is fine.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, and I nodded before she walked into the bus.

“That’s my girl,” Will whispered as my tears stopped completely, and he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I hate to see you cry, especially over something as stupid as not know whose hair is on the bathroom wall.”

I laughed and shook my head, briefly wondering how he made it through life so cluelessly. “Come on,” I kissed him lightly, “let’s go to bed early tonight.” I pulled him inside with a smirk, glad to have all my frustration about the cleaning over with… just in time to see Sisky spill his tea all over the floor.

The Great Sea of Arizona (Alexis story #3)

This is part three of a spin-off of thexxrevolutionx's story I'm Not In Love. This is written in the POV of Alexis, who in the story is William's gf, and each section is based on a scene in I'm Not In Love. Usual disclaimer applies. I do not know or own any of these characters. Not even Alexis. She belongs to Danielle. Enjoy!

The Great Sea of Arizona

The heat of the morning pressing down on my skin caused me to wake. The sheet and thin blanket felt as if they weighed a hundred pounds and held in a thousand degrees of heat. I stretched, and kicked them off of my body to cool down. As I opened my eyes, I noticed that William wasn’t lying next to me. Usually I was the first to wake, as he usually woke me up with his kicking or talking. I wondered where he could possibly be, and climbed out of the bunk to find him.

I walked to the front of the bus to see Jamie and Andy exchanging goodbyes, but Will was nowhere to be found, “Have you guys seen William?” I yawned.

“You’ve misplaced our front man?” Andy asked, confusing me.

It wasn’t like I’d lost him somewhere along the way, he’d lost himself. I was just about to point that out to Andy before it dawned on me that he was joking. I really was tired. “I guess I have,” I laughed, “he’s never up this early and the bunk is empty.”

“I haven’t seen him, sorry,” Jamie said, waving goodbye and heading out of the bus. Something must’ve caught her off guard because she left the door open and I heard William’s voice saying good morning and asking her to join him. Join him where?

They continued their conversation for a moment and I stopped paying attention, at least the mystery of where he was had been solved. Then I heard him mention the word ‘ocean’ and it caught my attention again.

“Uh, Bill, what are you talking about?” Jamie asked him.

“The ocean. You know… the ocean.” I couldn’t take listening to him anymore. We were in Arizona for crying out loud. Granted, he probably didn’t know that, but what was he thinking?

I walked down the stairs and stood outside of the door to the bus. Will was sitting in a lawn chair with another chair set up next to him. He was wearing an old pair of shorts and aviator glasses, and no shirt. I could smell the sunscreen radiating off of him. “Will, did I just hear you saying that we’re near the ocean? We’re in Arizona, there is no ocean here.”

“But…” he frowned and pointed to the black parking lot that surrounded us. I knew that he was thinking he saw the ocean from the heat waves that radiated off of the surface, but his illogical thinking and my first-thing-in-the-morning bad mood mixed with the unbearable heat to make me more annoyed.

“No, William. No.”

Jamie started walking away and Will stared after her for a second before turning back to me, “How do you know it’s not the ocean, Alexis?”

I rolled my eyes, “Because there is no ocean in Arizona, Will. It’s a landlocked state, and it’s a dessert. How would there be an ocean here? Look around you William,” I gestured across the parking lot, “There’s no sand! There’s no waves! Why can’t you just actually think about things for once?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he stood and faced me.

“It means why do you always have to say the most idiotic things? If you took a second to think things out, you would know that half of what you think is happening, is really something else.”

“Are you calling me stupid?” he questioned, suddenly looking even more hurt, and a little angry.

I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I just wanted him to wake up, “No, I didn’t say that,” I reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Well that’s what it sounds like to me,” he retorted pulling away. A crowd was starting to gather around us. Members of other bands had exited their buses and were being drawn in to our conversation by our raised voices.

“Come on,” I took his arm again, “Let’s go back on the bus,” I led the way up the stairs and Will pulled the door closed behind us. The first thing I noticed was that all of the guys were now up, and sitting around the little dining table. From the looks on their faces, they had overheard our conversation outside.

“I think I’m supposed to meet up with Gabe this morning,” Mike rose from his seat, obviously trying to avoid being in the middle of our argument.

“I think I’m supposed to go with you?” Sisky gripped for an excuse to leave as well.

“Me too!” Michael tagged along behind them.

“Awkward,” Andy sang under his breath as he took up the rear of the line of guys exiting the bus.

William sat down on the sofa, and I sat down next to him, taking his hand. “Sometimes I feel like you don’t have any faith in me,” he whispered, his eyes studying the sofa cushion so that he didn’t have to look at me.

Suddenly I felt awful and I needed to rectify the situation, “William, of course I don’t feel that way. Of course I have faith in you,” I ran my fingers up and down his arm and he shivered, “I think the world of you. You’re an amazing musician and you write beautiful songs, you have a wonderful, loving personality. I love you. Of course I have faith in you,” I kissed his cheek softly.

“Sometimes I think you think I’m dumb, and then you get angry at me,” he said softly, sounding almost like a little boy.

I frowned, “I don’t think you’re dumb. I think you’re very smart,” I kissed his cheek again, “Just sometimes you’re very naïve and I worry about you.”

“You worry about me?” he turned to me and a hint of a smile danced on the corners of his lips.

I nodded, “Because I love you.”

“I love you too,” he smiled wide this time, but I still felt uneasy and awful about what I’d said to him earlier.

“I’m so sorry about what I said a few minutes ago. I was just feeling grumpy.”

His smile widened even more, “Well I’m sorry for thinking we were near the ocean. I really didn’t know we were in Arizona, and those heat waves are just so convincing.”

“I know, Sweetie,” I kissed his nose, and he pulled me onto his lap.

“I love you, Lexi,” he whispered as his fingers brushed against the spaghetti strap of my pajama shirt causing it to fall down off my shoulder, “Sexy Lexi,” he used his nickname for me as he leaned in to kiss me.

The kiss soon turned into a heated make out session. We were lying on the sofa and I was straddling his hips, when the movement of his hand on my neck caused a little popping sound and the chain necklace that I was wearing slipped off. “Oh shoot,” I broke the kiss, “my necklace just broke.”

“Your necklace came off your neck,” William said almost at the same time.

I looked at his chest and the place next to him on the sofa. The necklace wasn’t there, “I really need to find it. It’s really special to me.”

“It’s your special necklace,” Will agreed, “From your grandma.”

I nodded.

She lay on her bed, homemade quilt pulled up to her neck. She was in her own home, but it felt like an alien land with all of the machinery that sat around her bed. I sat next to her holding her hand. I was the only family here. My mother was gallivanting in Europe with her latest boyfriend and couldn’t be reached. She had no idea of the condition her mother was in. My older sister was attending college in Florida and she couldn’t possibly pay to fly up to Illinois on a student income. I was the only one here to take care of my grandmother in her sickened state, and that involved cooking, housework, helping her take her meds, and sleeping in the chair next to her bed every night for the past week. Even though she insisted, I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her alone even if my room was just down the hall. I wanted to be with her as much as possible.

“’An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger…’” I was reading to her from one of our favorite books, Pride and Prejudice, but she interrupted one of my favorite Mr. Bennett parts.

“Alexis, I have something for you,” her hoarse voice was almost a whisper, “It’s in the top drawer of my nightstand.”

I looked at her curiously and place the book down on the side of her bed, reaching over to the nightstand. I pulled open the drawer and looked at the inside contents: a bookmark, a pair of tweezers, a nail clipper, a tube of Tangee lipstick, a magnifying mirror, and a little white jewelry box. I held up the jewelry box, thinking that she probably wasn’t about to hand over her used lipstick or old tweezers. She nodded and I proceeded to open the box. Inside was her antique sapphire necklace that she’d received as a gift from my grandfather on their one year wedding anniversary. She used to wear it with everything. I took the necklace in, it had a delicate gold chain and the sapphire was the brightest blue, with a decorated gold setting. I knew it was her favorite piece of jewelry, and the thought of it brought tears to my eyes, “I can’t accept this, grandma,” I choked.

“Yes you can. I want to give it to you,” her voice was stern even in all its frailty.

“But it’s your favorite,” I protested, knowing clearly what it meant that she was giving me her favorite piece of jewelry. She knew that she didn’t have much time left.

“It’s yours now. I want you to have it. Besides, who else would I give it to? You’re the only other September birthday I know.”

I gave in and nodded, silent tears streaming down my face.

“Try it on,” she suggested, and I did as I was told. It was the perfect length and she smiled as much as she could through her pain, “You’re beautiful. It’s about time that necklace made it back to someone young and beautiful.”

“Grandma – “ I didn’t really know what I wanted to say, but I knew that I didn’t want her to die, and I knew that it was inevitable.

“I know, Alexis. I love you.”

I kissed her cheek and then her forehead, “I love you too.”

“Now continue reading the story. I love this part with Mr. Bennet and Lizzie,” she demanded.

“Okay,” I sniffled before picking up the book again and continuing to read, “"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do…’”

“Will sit up for a sec,” I demanded. I was still straddling him, but he sat up and I searched the cushions behind him to no avail, “I don’t know where the hell it is.”

“Maybe on the floor?” Will leaned over, putting one hand on the floor and searched around for it. I stuck my hands in between the couch cushions, thinking that maybe it had fallen in between them somehow. As I ran my hand from the front of the sofa to the back, I shifted myself so that my leg wrapped around Will’s torso to steady myself, and leaned back away from him a bit. At the same time, he decided to search further away on the floor and leaned into me as I leaned away.

Suddenly the door burst open and Michael ran up the steps. Taking in the sight in front of him he chuckled to himself before averting his eyes and proceeding to the back area of the bus.

“We’re just looking for my necklace,” I said.

“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” he asked still laughing. Apparently he’d found what he was looking for and had exited the bus before I could say anything else.

“I think he thought we were getting it on,” Will said looking very proud of himself. He, no doubt, was hoping that’s what Michael was thinking.

I rolled my eyes, boys.

“I found it,” he pulled it from the floor, “I don’t know how it got all the way down here though. Oh, look, the chain is broken.”

He was right. As I took the necklace from his hand I saw that the chain had split about two inches from the clasp. I was so disappointed. It was the original chain, “Aw, shit. I’m not going to be able to fix this.” I felt the tears of frustration and remorse building in my eyes.

“It’s okay,” William wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb, “When we get back home we can get a new chain for it.”

“I know,” I sniffled, “It’s just not going to be the same without the original chain. Maybe I’ll do something else with the sapphire. I guess that’s the most important part anyway.”

Will nodded looking momentarily distracted, “Well sure, whatever you want to do. You should keep it somewhere safe though. This tour is crazy, and you don’t want anything to happen to it. I can hold onto it if you want,” he suggested.

“Okay,” I handed it to him and he went to the back of the bunk to put it with his stuff. When he came back he was smiling.

“Where did we leave off?” he joined me again on the couch.

Andy Interrupts (Alexis story #2)

This is part two of a spin-off of thexxrevolutionx's story I'm Not In Love. This is written in the POV of Alexis, who in the story is William's gf, and each section is based on a scene in I'm Not In Love. Usual disclaimer applies. I do not know or own any of these characters. Not even Alexis. She belongs to Danielle. Enjoy!

[edit: this is not this complete section of this story. For some reason I do not have the entire section saved. This weekend I'll check on my work computer and see if I have it on there, but this was supposed to be the entire flashback of the first time Alexis sees William perform live.]

Andy Interrupts

I squinted my eyes as they opened against the offensive light seeping in through the hotel window, and then turned over to look at the clock. It read 10:02. I’d slept through the entire night and hadn’t been woken once by William’s voice or physical affronts. A sudden burst of energy surged through me, and I pounced on top of Will.

“What’s all this about?” his eyes popped open and he kissed my nose, “You’re attacking me.”

“Congratulations, baby. You made it through an entire night without waking me up with your sleep talking and kicking,” I pulled him into a kiss.

He pulled me on top of him and deepened the kiss, running his hands up and down my sides. I smiled into the kiss and laced my fingers through his hair.

Suddenly the door opened and Andy walked in, waving a room key. Upon seeing us, he dove into the bathroom, muttering apologies. Our kiss ended abruptly with William stating, “I think Andy wants to talk to us.”

I placed my hand on his bare chest, “I think so too, sweetie. We’ll continue this later.” I kissed him once more and then climbed to my feet, pulling on my boyshorts and an oversized tee. I threw Will’s sleep pants at him and he hurried to put them on. “Okay Andy. You can come out now.” Butcher poked his head out of the bathroom. “How did you get a key, anyway?”

“From Tony. He keeps all the extras, remember?” He said, about to sit on the bed, and then taking in the rumpled sheets and strewn clothes that littered the floor, opted to sit on the desk instead. “I was just wondering if you’d seen Jamie this morning, but I’m guessing you haven’t.”

“No, we just woke up actually. Although you may want to check in Sisky and Michael’s room. There was some commotion last night involving Nate. I don’t really know the details, but I know that Nate was yelling, but not at any of them. He was just yelling and talking about punching someone.”

“Yeah, she stayed in Sisky and Chiz’s room last night,” William repeated, “Nate was there.”

Butcher shook his head, “I already checked there. It was the first place I looked,” he looked troubled. “Okay, well I guess I’ll try her cell again. I’ll see you guys later.” He headed out the door.

“I’m worried about him,” I said as he exited the room and I took his spot sitting on the desk.

“Why?” William asked, coming towards me and wrapping his arms around me.

“Well it must be upsetting for him to be here when Neil is in the hospital. If my sister were in the hospital, I would want to be right there beside her. And this whole thing with Jamie,” I tilted my head up to look at him and rested my chin on his chest, “I don’t know. It just seems that all the guys are really into her…”

William laughed cutting me off, “What, does it make you jealous?” he joked.

I rolled my eyes, “No, but I don’t want him to get his heart broken if she decides she likes one of those guys better. And all this drama with that Matt Friction guy.”

“In her defense, Jamie didn’t want to go to the video shoot, either night. She was ready to cancel on Matt to hang out with Butcher,” Will said matter-of-factly.

“I know. I really didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that the guy’s a real jerk and really I don’t understand why Butcher would persuade her to go the second night anyway.”

“I agree with you about that,” William added, “If it were you making that music video and he drugged you the first night, he wouldn’t live to see the second night of filming. And if by some fluke he did, he’d have to recast the female lead.” He kissed the top of my head and smiled down at me. It was intimate moments like this that made me love him so much.

*****

At 5:20 we left the tour bus and headed toward the stage. “There are a lot of people here,” William observed, looking at the growing crowd of people that were gathered to hear the band. Everyone was doing other things, probably purposely avoiding conversation with him at this point. He turned his back and stared out at the crowd of people.

“William, seriously? It’s Warped Tour. Of course there are a lot of people here.” I shook my head and took a sip of my water, suddenly annoyed with him. Why did he always have to say the most obvious things?

“Alexis, you’re almost out of water…” William started but I cut him off in my exasperation.

“I know, William.”

“I was just going to ask if I could get you more,” he said sadly, and I instantly felt awful for snapping out on him.

“Aw, thanks William,” I kissed him on the cheek and he looked so proud of himself as he went off to get water for the group. He came back a moment later with everyone’s water and proceeded to spill his own all down his front when Tony scared him.

“I have a wet shirt now,” he said just to me.

I made a pouty face for him, “I know, baby. If we had time I would run back to the bus and get you another one, but you’re about to go on.”

“The show’s about to start,” he nodded in a quiet voice. Butcher ran up the ramp first, followed by Sisky, Michael and Mike. “Kiss for good luck?” Will asked puckering his lips and leaning down to me.

I gave him a quick kiss, “Not that you need it, stud,” I twirled my hair around my fingers flirtatiously as I spoke. He winked before running up the ramp. The crowd went berserk at the sight of him.

As Neighbors pumped out of their instruments and through the speakers, the crowd pulsed. Girls were screaming and reaching out for him, pushing each other to get closer to him. A few girls were even crying. I flashed back to the first time I’d seen him in concert

Donuts and Tomato Soup (Alexis story #1)

This is part one of a spin-off of thexxrevolutionx's story I'm Not In Love. This is written in the POV of Alexis, who in the story is William's gf, and each section is based on a scene in I'm Not In Love. Usual disclaimer applies. I do not know or own any of these characters. Not even Alexis. She belongs to Danielle. Enjoy!

Donuts and Tomato Soup

“It’s my elephant! No, Sisky! Mine!” William shifted in his sleep, not really having anywhere to move in the small bunk and ended up hugging me close to him. I assumed that I was the elephant from his dream and that he was hugging me to declare that I was his and not Adam’s. I rolled my eyes. I swear that boy has the dumbest dreams.

Before I could even finish that thought, Will’s leg tensed up and he kneed me in the butt before unraveling his arms from around me and turned to squash his face against the wall of the bus. I let out a deep sigh, wondering why I had even decided to come on tour with them in the first place. Yes, of course I missed him when he wasn’t home with me, but sharing a bunk on a crowded tour bus with a bunch of smelly guys wasn’t exactly my idea of a great time. I thought about my queen sized bed, sitting empty in my clean apartment that had a bathroom that one could actually use. The toilet didn’t have specks of vomit and pee on the seat. What the hell was with guys anyway? Why couldn’t they just aim for the bowl, why did they always have to pee on the seat?

At home, in my comfortable, large bed that wasn’t attached to wheels and propelling down a highway at 65 miles per hour, William’s sleep talking and kicking seemed minor. The talking wasn’t directly in my ear most of the time, and there was enough room for him to kick and not hit me in the process. Besides, when he was home with me, he always slept better, meaning that there was rarely any kicking or talking at all.

“A cream donut and a bowl of tomato soup. No, make that a chocolate donut, with extra sprinkles,” Will murmured and rolled over again so that he was facing me.

From what I could hear of his dream, it reminded me of the first time we met…

The Blue Jay Way Diner, decorated in all of it’s Beatlemania glory, was empty that night. I was stuck with the night shift and wasn’t getting off until 5:30 in the morning. It was 3:00 when a group of young guys walked in, and up until then, the chef and myself had been busy playing hangman on the back of one of the takeout menus. There were eight guys and I helped them pull two of the tables together before handing them menus. They were all fairly attractive, and I was surprised that there were no girls with them. The one with the pretty face and the brown, well-groomed hair that probably took more time to fix in the morning then mine did, winked at me when I gave him his menu, and I remember vividly wanting, in my sour middle-of-the-night mood, to slap him across the face just to make the cocky half-smile disappear from his lips. Being a good waitress, however, and not really wanting to get fired from my much needed job, I smiled politely, stated I would be back in a minute with their drink orders, and walked away from the table.

As the night wore on, the annoying pretty one kept flirting with me and throwing suggestive glances my way. However, contrary to my mood and earlier behavior, I found myself actually liking the attention that he gave me. He was clearly one of the most attractive men at the table, and usually it was just dirty old men and grimy middle-aged truckers who flirted with me that way while I was at work. They all requested separate checks, which seemed silly to me, as it was a diner and our most expensive item was probably $7.50. While writing out the pretty man’s check, I found myself doing something completely out of character. I jotted down my cell phone number and my name underneath the total that was due and handed it to him when I handed out the other checks. A moment later, while I was back behind the counter, making a fresh pot of coffee, he approached me with a sheepish look on his face. “This seems to have a phone number on it,” he said, pointing to the check.

“Yes, I put it there purposely,” I stated. Was this guy for real? I almost regretted my rash decision.

“Oh,” he smiled and all my regrets melted away, “I just wanted to make sure that it was intended for me and not someone else at the table.”

“No, it’s for you,” I said, not quite meeting his eye while I measured out the right amount of coffee into the filter.

“What time do you get off work?” he asked.

“5:30,” I simply stated.

“Is it okay if I wait until then? Instead of calling you?” he shifted his weight uncomfortably.

“Oh, okay. Sure.” I said, watching his friends all leaving their money on the table and walking out the diner, waving their goodbyes. He took a seat at the counter and I poured him a cup of coffee without even asking if he wanted one.

He introduced himself as William and talked to me for the rest of the night, while I cleaned up the table after his friends, waited on the few other people who staggered in and out of the diner in the wee hours, and got everything ready for the next shift. When my shift was through he walked me to my apartment a few blocks away and promised he’d call. That was the beginning of our relationship.

I was brought out of my memory with an elbow to the face. “Ow!” I whispered, rubbing my stinging nose as my eyes burned with tears that were ready to escape with the pain. I’d had enough. “What the fuck, William?” I shook him awake.

His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me, “Hey booboo.”

I rolled my eyes again, hoping that he couldn’t see. Where did he get these ridiculous nicknames for me? “You elbowed me in the face again,” I pointed to my nose, which in the dark probably didn’t look out of the ordinary, but felt like it was blazing red with heat.

“I’m sorry, Kitten,” he kissed my nose and closed his eyes again, laying flat on his back. He pulled me over to him so that my head was resting on his chest. “Go back to…”

I was assuming that he was going to finish the sentence with the word sleep, but he was already breathing lightly, signifying that he’d had no trouble falling back asleep. I kept my head resting on his chest while he slept and soon the rhythm of his heart and steady, soft breaths acted as my lullaby as my eyes closed.

I awoke only a few short hours later to William smacking his lips. “Thanks for those. I love that particular brand of savory snacks.” He smacked his lips a few more times and his jaw moved in a chewing motion. William always did have a way of sounding extra intelligent even when he was only talking about something dumb like snacks or urinating (A/N: see William’s blog for the poem about urination that he posted the other night).

I was just falling back into a shallow slumber when William starting rubbing my back in a circular motion, “Thanks for coming to the show,” he said in a whiny voice, “I hope you enjoyed it.”

I let out an exasperated sigh, knowing that he wasn’t going to let me go back to sleep again this morning, “Dammit, William!! You always wake me up with your sleep talking gibberish!” I said, climbing out of the bunk and throwing my pillow into his face before sliding the curtain shut. I made my way to the front of the bus only to find Andy sitting next to a girl I had seen before, but didn’t know well. “Oh, sorry guys,” I said, while my mind really screamed, ‘THANK GOD! ANOTHER FEMALE!’

“Hey Alexis” Butcher started, “You know, the sleep talking only occurs when you’re around.”

“Yeah, uh, he just started rubbing my back and thanked me for coming to the show and hoped I enjoyed it. I’m kinda disturbed. Does he treat fans that way?” I questioned, deciding to leave out all of the other weird sleep talking he had done.

“I try not to pay any attention,” Butcher shrugged off my query.

I giggled and held my hand out to the girl, “Hi. I’m Alexis, William’s girlfriend if you didn’t catch that.”

“I actually did pick up on that one.” She finished the sentence and made room on the couch by moving more toward Andy. She told me her name was Jamie and that she was the merch girl for a band called Sofapunch.

A yawn escaped my lips, and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. “You can go sleep in my bunk if you want” Andy said.

“Really? Thanks!”I made my way back to the bunks. There was no way that I was going to sleep in Andy’s bunk when he had just had Jamie over all night. I didn’t know what they had been up to and I knew he didn’t have time to clean the sheets yet. Instead I started hitting William on the arm, “William, get up. Butcher said you could sleep in his bunk, and I’ll sleep here.”

“Oh-kayyy” William said tiredly and got up. He kissed me on the cheek and said, “You know, I really love you.” I nodded and watched as William got down and opened the curtain to Sisky’s bottom bunk.

“Uh, Bill, that’s Sisky’s bunk” I warned him, shaking my head. I love him, but sometimes he just doesn’t think.

“Oh-kayyy” William responded deliriously and slipped into the bunk anyway. He put his arm around Sisky, who didn’t even stir. I shook my head and closed their curtain before climbing into the bunk I shared with William.
+
“No Sisky! My elephant!” I heard William’s muffled whine from behind the two sets of curtains and tried to hold back my giggle as I shut my eyes.

I'm Not In Love - Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: I DO NOT personally know any of these bands or people. I do OWN Jamie and Alexis. This story is COMPLETELY fiction.


Jamie woke up for a restless sleep to find Andy lying naked next to her. She watched for a few minutes as his chest rose and fell with his breathing, but her stomach started to rumble with hunger. Their cloths from the night before littered the floor and she listened for anyone awake on the bus, but heard nothing. She decided it was safe to slip out of bed soundlessly and put on her pair of shorts from the night before. Before she got her shirt over her head, Matt walked out of the bathroom and stopped in his tracks.

“Oh god, Jamie, sorry. I didn’t know you would be naked. If I did, I wouldn’t have come out” he said as he covered his eyes and turned around. She finished pulling the shirt over her head and walked over to him. Her arms slide under his and she hugged him from the back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone was awake” she said innocently.

“I haven’t been to sleep yet” he replied. By this point he had turned around in her arms and was holding her close. “Will Andy be up anytime soon?” he inquired.

“I don’t think so, I kept him pretty busy all night.” She smiled and Matt raised his eyebrows. He was going to push his way past her until she put her hand on his chest to stop him. “I wanted to give you something to repay you for all of the … you know. So, what’s your payment of choice?” she whispered seductively to him.

“Where is this coming from? What happened to only pleasing Andy? Did you guys get in a fight? I just made up with him.” His words were pleading, but his voice and body were urging her on

“I don’t need to just be tied down with one person. Andy and I aren’t what you would classify as a couple. Yeah, we like each other, but I like some other people too.”

Matt smiled, these were finally the words he wanted to hear. “You know they say if you have sex on Ecstasy, it’s so amazing that you can’t go back. Should we put it to the test?”

Jamie moved her hand and backed away when she heard rustling coming from her bunk. She ran to that bathroom and opened up the first bottle of pills she saw and took two of whatever was inside. She pushed her hair behind her ears and opened the door. Jamie reached her bunk just as Andy was pushing back the curtain to come out. She opened it first and greeted him with a kiss.

“Let’s go out for breakfast,” she said in a tone that was a little too peppy for the morning. She could already feel the energy flowing through her veins. The thoughts of sleep that once plagued her mind were replaced by those of the upcoming day. The spaghetti strap and shorts she chose were perfectly suited for what was supposed to be the hottest day of the summer so far.

“Can you pass me my shorts?” he asked in a low voice.

“You mean these shorts?” Jamie asked as she picked up the bright red cloth on the floor. “It’ll cost you … one kiss.”

“Gladly” he said as he grabbed the shorts and paid his dues. Jamie couldn’t resist him, so she climbed up into the bunk and strattled his legs. She kissed him more passionately and felt him grow more excited under the sheets.

“Uh, we should go. I’m going to invite Matt and Nate. I’ll meet you outside.” She kissed his chin and left him alone in the bunk with his shorts. Jamie jumped out of the bunk and retrieved her cell phone on the table in the kitchen area. She scrolled through the numbers until she found Nate’s and dialed his phone. After a couple of rings the phone went to voicemail. “Hey, Nate…It’s Jamie. I know you’re probably not up this early. But if this call happens to wake you up, come by the bus because we’re going out to breakfast. So, hopefully, I’ll see you in a few!”

Jamie went into the bathroom to clean up and wash her face. Half way through putting on her make-up the door opened and in came Matt. “Oh, hey! Did you want to come out to breakfast with us?”

“Uh, yeah. I just need a little pick-me-up.” He pulled out a fresh needle. “Do you want to try some?”

“Of course not. That’s a horrible drug, I’ll never let myself get that far.” She watched as he lifted up his sleeve and flick the needle. “Don’t do it, Matt. Please.”

He stopped for a second and looked up into her sad eyes. Instead of comforting her, like that Matt she knew, he became anger at her plea. “I’ve only known you for a week and you’re trying to change me? I give you a place to stay when other people didn’t want to have anything to do with you. I gave you you’re first experience with drugs, and you loved it. And this is how you re-pay me?” At this point Jamie had tears running down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry I actually considered you a friend” Jamie said as she reached for the door handle.

“Yeah, just run away to your little, annoying fuckin’ boyfriend. Just like the little slut you are. You couldn’t survive a week on tour without seducing every guy you say. You’re just a little worthless slut.”

She couldn’t take it anymore, Jamie turned around and slapped him on the face. And before she could stop him he was putting the needle into a visible vein in his arm. His eyes rolled back in pleasure and he sat on the closed toilet seat. Jamie opened the door and left him alone.

Jon was sitting on the couch, but immediately stood up when he saw Jamie’s tears. “What’s the matter?” he asked and pulled her into a hug.

“Nothing. Is Butcher still here?”

“No,” that word hurt almost as much as Matt’s did, “he went back to his bus to get his wallet. Did Matt say anything to you.”

“I’ve never heard anything so hurtful before in my life. I need to move out of here.”

“Listen, Jamie, I know what he said was hurtful, but he can’t control it. He has said some pretty horrible things to me in the past, but you have to forgive him. You came in between him and the drugs, and he was crashing. That’s the way you deal with it when you’re addicted to the most deadly drug on the face of the planet. He didn’t mean anything he said. He actually cares about you so much, more then you’ll ever know.”

Jamie had been so distracted by Jon that she didn’t realize that Matt was out of the bathroom. Jon let her go so she was forced for face Matt.

“Oh god, Jamie, I’m so sorry I said those things. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.” He approached her, but Jamie couldn’t find the words to forgive him just yet. His arms enveloped her in a hug, but she didn’t care enough to hug back. “Let me take you out to breakfast. But first I have something to take away the pain.”

*****
Matt had his arm around Jamie to help her walk. She didn’t necessarily like it, but she hadn’t really eaten in two days. They saw Mike, William, and Butcher exit the TAI bus and all of the sudden she felt someone’s hands creep up her side. Being extremely ticklish, she laughed and turned to face Nate, who had a huge smile on her face.

“How are you feeling this morning, sunshine?” he asked her.

“Better. I like my new nickname” she laughed.

“Sunshine, it’s because you light up my day” Nate said as he laughed at himself.

“Alright, Corny McGee. Sorry I woke you up, but I wanted to make up for last night.”

“Thanks, oh, hey, I have something for you from Gabe. Apparently he’s always checking this site called Fueled by Ramen secrets, or some shit like that, and we were on there together. I guess he wanted you to have it, for some…strange reason.” He took out a bunch of folded up paper in his pocket and gave it to her. Jamie was surprised to see 5 pages of pictures of her with different guys with comments written all over them. And out of 5 pages, only one came to her defense saying “Good for her. All the haters are just jealous because they want to be in her spot. Fueled By Ramen Groupie FTW”.

“Uh, thanks, I guess.”

“Don’t worry about those little sluty haters, baby” Matt said as he took the pages out of her hands and threw them in the trash.

Jamie rolled her eyes and pushed Matt’s arm away from her side. “I can walk by myself” she said, but a second later she tripped over her own feet and almost fell. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself and how ridiculous she looked. By this time the TAI guys were stand in front of them.

“Are you alright, Jamie? You tripped” William said.

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks!” she said back, but she was too excited to see Butcher to care about the fall. “So, I say if we walk that way, we’ll find a breakfast place” she said as she pointed into the distance.

“Do you know this for a fact?” Mike asked, laughing at her intuition.

“Well, I see a sign for a diner right there, sooooo, yeah.” They turned toward the gate and began to walk, when they heard shouting in the distance.

“WWWAAAIIITTT FORRRRR MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!” They saw Sisky running behind them looking disheveled. “I LOVE BREAKFAST!!”

While they were walking, William pulled Jamie to that back so no one could hear their conversation. “Can I ask a favor from you, Jamie?”

“Of course, William. What do you need?”

“Okay, so you’re a girl. And I have a girlfriend. And I love Alexis more than anything in the world, but…” William paused to gather his thoughts, while Jamie thought to herself about how she didn’t like the way this conversation was going. “So, I was wondering if you would come with me to pick out an engagement ring for Alexis. You know what girls like, and I don’t, so I could really use the help.”

Relieved, Jamie agreed and they set it up for next week. By this time they were all at the diner, where the staff was struggling to fit seven people at one table in the narrow establishment. The familiar voices made a customer at the counter swivel around and greet them.

“Bob, what’s going on, man?” Matt greeted him, “Why don’t you join us for breakfast?” Bob agreed and introduced himself around to the group of people.

When the tables were finally sorted out Jamie took a seat next to Nate, and before Andy could make his way to the table, Sisky yelled “I CALL A SEAT NEXT TO JAMIE!!!” and sat in the chair on the other side of her.

“Sit across from me,” she said to Andy, “then I can spend the entire meal looking into your dreamy eyes.” Andy laughed, but agreed, sitting between William and Bob.

They ordered and broke off into their own conversations. Sisky and Jamie got to talking about tour, but she could hear everything that was going on at the table. She caught Bob’s gaze and he winked at her. Their drinks came to the table and before Jamie could even put her tea bag in the hot water, she felt a hand on her knee. She assumed it was Butcher, until realized that both of Andy’s hands were on the table. Jamie looked at the other candidates around the table, and when she reached Bob, he gave a knowing smile.

“I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back” Jamie said abruptly and got up from the table.

“God, look at that ass,” Bob said as she walked away. “She’s so fuckin’ hot and she doesn’t even know it.”

“Excuse me?” Andy asked furiously.

“Why does everyone love Jamie anyway? Don’t get me wrong, she’s an amazing girl, and she’s so nice, but she has all these guys under her spell.”

“I like her because she’s an awesome friend and fun to hang out with. I’ve only known her for like a week, but I feel like we’ve been friends forever.” Nate started, and the conversation moved around the table.

“She’s sexy, and nice, and she actually wants to be my friend, instead of just hook up with me all the time, like all the other girls we meet. She’s like a sweet break from reality” Sisky continued and then it moved to Mike.

“I don’t have a crush on her or anything, but I like her as a friends, she’s easy to get along with.”

Matt paused when it was his turn. “Well, I like her, but I would never want to be in a relationship with her. We’re more just friends.”

It was Bob’s turn next. “I would never be in a relationship with her, I just want to fuck her. She’s so sexy, and really sweet. I bet she looks killer naked. Is she any good in bed?” he asked Andy.

Andy decided to ignore him. “I just think she’s incredible. I could honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with her.”

“But seriously guys. She has you all wrapped around her finger. Look at how she treats you guys. Matt and Bob, you take her in and let her sleep in your bus, she eats your food, all for free. And Nate, you’re such a good friend to her, but she doesn’t give you anything in return.” Nate looked down in shame, though he didn’t feel that way. He thought that Jamie was a good friend to him in return. “And Andy, do you see the way she treats you. It’s so on and off. And have you seen that way she treats her ex-boyfriends? That guy Eric…she doesn’t even talk to him anymore, she’s completely cut him out of her life. Don’t you think she’ll one day do the same thing to you?”

“William,” Mike started…

“Yes, Mike?”

“That was the most profound thing you’ve ever said.”

*****
The table was silent when Jamie returned. “What did I miss?” she asked as she took her seat.

“Nothing” Sisky said and looked down at his juice.

“Ohh-kayyyy” Jamie said and looked around the table. No one would meet her eyes.

The silence was interrupted by a cell phone ringing in William’s pocket. “Hello?” he answered. Everyone at the table could hear her voice practically screaming into the phone. “Yes, I’m okay. I’m eating breakfast at some little diner…Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you…Yes I know the people I’m with…No, I wouldn’t lie to you…Why would I go out with a huge bunch of people I didn’t know…Okay, I’ll talk to you later…love you too, bye.”

“Who was it?” Andy asked.

“Alexis. Sometimes I think she thinks I’m really dumb or something…”

I'm Not In Love - Chapter Seven

Jamie laughed and screamed playfully as Nate picked her up from the back and spun her around with her feet off the ground. “Haha, it’s our ball now.” He shouted, grabbing the football from Jamie’s hands.

“That’s okay, because you’re still losing by three points!” Jamie yelled back playfully.

“That’s only because you got Carden.”

“Aw, don’t be salty! But remember, the pink team will prevail.” Jamie motioned to her team, Gabe, Mike, Sisky, and Alex. They took their team name too literal, and now were all clad in pink shirts, sweatbands, socks, etcetera, but Jamie was proud. Nate’s team consisted of William, Jack, Travis (from We the Kings), and Tony. They were putting up a good fight, but they were still losing.

All of the sudden, Jamie felt her stomach turning, and she couldn’t keep it in anymore. She ran away without saying anything, fearing that if she opened her mouth, she wouldn’t be able to control her stomach. She got past the buses and there were bushes around the border of the parking lot, and she figured they would suffice. Jamie bent over and tried to keep the hair out of her face as she puked in the bushes. She heard footsteps behind her and someone grabbed the hair out of her face and off of her neck.

“It’s okay,” Nate cooed as he rubbed her back. When she was done a minute later she stood back up straight and he could see the tears coming down her face. “It’s okay” he said again as he pulled her into a hug. “Let’s go get you some water.” He put his arm around her and guided her back toward the buses. Nate noticed that she was shaking, but he figured it was just because she was sick.

As they turned the corner around the buses, Sisky immediately ran up to them. “What happened? Are you okay?” he asked Jamie.

She silently nodded and looked up and Sisky saw the tears still flowing freely down her cheeks. Jamie let go of Nate and walked over to where her water bottle was. She drained the bottle, but it didn’t help the bitter aftertaste. “I’m going to get some stomach pills, and brush my teeth. Can you come with me, Nate?”

He put his arm back around her and walked her slowly to the Pink Spiders bus. As soon as they were out of earshot, Sisky turned to the others. “Apparently she puked in the bushes.”

“So, you’re saying she got sick?” William asked. “Is she pregnant?”

The idea hit Sisky for the first time and he made him angry. “Where’s Andy? Did he get her pregnant. I’ll punch him, I swear!!” Sisky yelled.

Tony put his hand on Sisky’s shoulder. “Dude, chill out. Maybe we should find out the story before you go off killing random band members.”
*****
Jamie climbed the steps up to the bus, and Nate followed her to the bathroom. He watched as she brushed her teeth and got a new bottle of water. She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a small bottle of pills labeled “Acid Reducers”. Nate believed the bottle, but Jamie new the truth. She stored the real medicine in her clothes, there were pills of Speed that Matt hid. Jamie knew these pills would make her feel better a lot quicker than any acid reducer.

“Jamie, what did you eat today?” Nate asked, trying to find the cause of her illness.

“Um, coffee. That’s about it” Jamie answered.

“All you had to eat and drink all day was coffee. No wonder you’re sick, you need nutrition. Let me take you to get something.”

“No, Nate, honestly, I’m feeling fine” she pleaded with him.

“Jamie, you need to eat, that’s what your body is telling you. Let’s go to the super market and pick out some real food. I saw one down the street.” A few minutes later, Jamie found herself walking around the fresh fruit and vegetable section at the Acme with Nate and Sisky. They were picking out foods to make her a healthy salad that would fill her up, but Jamie honestly wasn’t even hungry. When they got to the checkout, Nate insisted on paying, which made Jamie feel even worse about the situation. The men were gentlemen and carried the bags home, because of Jamie’s “fragile state”.

“So, Jamie,” Sisky started as they were walking home, “I’m just wondering, are you pregnant?”

“There’s no chance of that. I think I just have a little stomach flu or something.” They got back to the buses and decided to eat in the Cobra bus, mainly because it was cleaner. Sisky and Nate worked on cutting the vegetables and Jamie sat at the table and sipped out of her water bottle. Andy ran up the steps on the bus and frantically sat down next to Jamie.

“I came as soon as someone today me. Why didn’t you call me? Are you okay?” Andy asked quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Nate and Sisky are making me a salad. I haven’t eaten all day.”

“How do you just not eat all day?”

“I guess I just forgot. I wasn’t really hungry. I’m still not that hungry.” Jamie answered back. At that moment, Nate brought over a bowl filled with lettuce, celery, carrots, and cucumbers. They watched as Jamie stirred a minimal amount of dressing on top and forked a bit into her mouth.

“We’ll leave you two alone” Nate said and lead Sisky off of the bus.

Andy and Jamie sat in silence for a minute as he watched her eat more of the salad. He moved closer to her, and she took it as a cue to put her fork down.

“Do you think…” she started, but Andy cut her off by kissing her. Jamie’s first reaction was to push him away. “What are you doing? I’m sick. You can’t afford to be sick too.”

Andy looked hurt and Jamie immediately felt bad. “Look, I didn’t mean for it to be so harsh. I would love to kiss you, but I don’t want you to catch anything.”

“Well, I just want you to feel better. You should finish the rest of your salad” he said as he pointed down to the table.

“I’m not hungry” Jamie said as she pushed it away.

“Do you want me to walk you back to your bus?” Andy asked.

“You do realize I’m not 12, right? I can walk places by myself. And when I’m hungry, I’ll eat. I’m already embarrassed enough that I’m sick, but everyone is making a big show out of it, and it’s not making me feel better.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You know what would make me feel better? If you made the effort to get to know Matt, Jon, and Bob better. I’m living with them now, and you have this picture in your mind of who they really are, but you don’t know them. You judged them by one encounter, and you never gave them a second chance.”

“I know, I’m just not a forgiving person” Andy said back and pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Please try, Andy. I really like you, but I feel like you’re judging me by who I hang out with.” She watched as he nodded shyly, and looked down. She lifted his head back up by putting a finger under his chin, so their eyes met. “Can you walk me back to the bus?” Jamie asked and smiled at him.

He smiled and got out of the booth and pulled Jamie up by her hands, and right into his arms. She laughed and kissed him. Before they left, Jamie reached into her pocket and pulled out a 20 and placed it on the table for Nate to cover the cost of the salad makings.

They were outside of the Pink Spiders bus and he pushed her gently against the side of the bus and passionately kissed her. “Goodnight” he said when they were done.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked. Andy smiled as Jamie took his hand and lead him into the bus.

“What about pajamas?” Andy asked jokingly.

“I don’t think you’ll need them” Jamie said as she turned around to face him. She winked and then turned back around. They were passing the bathroom when the door opened and a cloud of steam hit them. Matt walked out with only a towel around his waist.

Andy let out a sigh and stuck out his hand. “I think we need to start over. Truce?”

Matt nodded and shook Andy’s outstretched hand. “Agreed. Are you guys going to bed?” Jamie raised her eyebrows and Matt got the message. “Well, then goodnight, my little razorblade.” He leaned down to kiss Jamie on the cheek, but she stopped him. They walked past him and Matt stared longingly at Jamie. She looked so happy as Butcher kissed her and lifted her into the bunk.

I'm Not In Love - Chapter Six

She heard pieces of a conversation between Andy and Matt, but she couldn’t bring herself to wake up. It wasn’t in a dream, it was a black emptiness, but it was comforting. The conversation didn’t make sense to her, so she blocked it out.

“What the fuck did she take?” Andy asked angrily.

“She’s actually not on anything” Matt answered.

“Yeah, right” Andy said, but before he could continue Jon walked back to the bunks.

“Dude, she’s seriously not on anything. She hasn’t slept in days, don’t try to wake her, because it won’t work.”

Andy ignored what they said and slipped the curtain back. Matt and Jon lost interest and walked back to join the group outside.

“Jamie, wake up. I need to talk to you. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you earlier. Can you hear me?” When Jamie didn’t even stir, Andy lost hope and left the bus.
*****
Jamie didn’t know what time it was when she finally woke up. She stretched for a minute then pulled back the curtain got jumped down from the bunk. Matt, Jon, Bob, and a few other people were sitting around watching some sporting event on the television. Jamie could see through the blinds that it was dark outside.

“Hey, why aren’t you guys outside, playing or something?” Jamie asked.

Matt looked over at her and it was obvious that they hadn’t seen her until just then. He unzipped his sweatshirt and put it around her arms, knowing how cold she probably was with the minimum amount of cloths she had on. She stuck her arms in the holes, but the sweatshirt was too big and her hands did reach the end. Matt zipped up the sweatshirt and kissed her on the nose. “Good morning, little razorblade. We had off today and we didn’t want to wake up.”

“What time is it?” she asked.

“Close to 8 pm, why?” Jon answered.

“I have to go talk to someone” She went back to wear her clothes were and changed into jeans and a simple t-shirt. Jamie grabbed her phone before heading off the bus. As soon as she was outside, she dialed Andy’s number on her phone, but again, it went straight to voicemail. Jamie needed to talk to him because she knew he’d be mad, but honestly, he didn’t answer his phone the previous day when she was searching desperately for him.

As she approached the TAI bus, she saw Alexis and William standing outside. Alexis had tears running down her face, and Bill was trying his hardest to comfort her.

“Alexis, what’s wrong?” Jamie asked when she got closer.

“Nothing,” Alexis started and rubbed the tears away from her cheeks, “Everything is fine.”
“Are you sure?” Jamie asked, and when Alexis nodded, she deemed it safe to walk into the bus.

Jamie was greeted by Sisky’s singing as he waiting for his mug to be done in the microwave. “Sisky,” Jamie said, but as soon as she did, Sisky jumped and gave a little scream.

“God, Jamie, you scared me. Are you looking for Andy?” he asked.

“Yeah, do you know where he is?” She asked eagerly.

“He’s in the back, with Michael.”

“Oh,” Jamie laughed, “Are you sure I won’t be interpreting them?”

Sisky laughed and walked over to her. “I’m so glad you’re back.” He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug, which lifted her feet off the ground.

When the hug was done she walked to the back part of the bus. She heard Michael and Butcher laughing about something, and she was realized that he was in a good mood. Jamie opened the flimsy door and immediately Butcher stood up and smiled.

“Jamie, you’re awake” he said before he pulled her into a hug. Michael decided to give them space and got up.

“I tried to call you, but your phone was off, so I just came over. I think we need to talk.” She sat down on the couch and Andy sat next to her and pulled her closer.

“Why did you leave Sofapunch? And of all places, you went to the Pink Spiders. You know I don’t like them” Andy started.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not sleeping in the bus with them then. I think they’re nice, they’re my friends, and they offered me a job. Sofapunch basically kicked me out, so I had nowhere to go. Why didn’t you answer your phone or talk to me. I spend most of the day called and looking for you so I could talk to you about it, but you were nowhere to be found.”

“I know, I acted really dumb, I should have just talked to you. I panicked, but I’m okay now.”

“It would have been nice if you were there to help me make this decision. If I didn’t chose to go with the Pink Spiders, I would have to leave.”

“You could have lived here.” Andy insisted.

“Are you serious Andy?” Jamie asked. She got up and opened the door. There were clothes littered all over the floor and in the front they could see Sisky sipping something out of a mug, which he spilled and failed to clean up. “There is no room for me here. There are like a million of you guys living on the same bus. The Pink Spiders only had 5 guys and 8 bunks, so I get my own and everything.”

“I just don’t want you to start acting like they do.”

“I was just having fun, but I would never let it get to that level.”
*****
“So, Jamie, there’s a dress code when you work for us” Jon said as they all sat around the table. Jamie had invited Andy over to get to know her busmates better.

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Jamie asked jokingly.

“The smallest amount of clothes possible. Booty shorts are a must.”

Jamie laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Bob started, “let’s play a game of strip poker!”

Butcher gave Jamie and questioning look and she took it as her cue to cut in.“Seriously guys, isn’t that a little immature?” she asked, hoping they were kidding.

“No. Come on Jamie, we know how you love to be the center of attention. So why don’t we skip the poker and you can just strip for us, right now” Bob said. Jon smacked Bob’s chest and made a not so subtle head movement in Andy’s direction.

This was about all Andy could take, so he got up and walked out of the bus. Jamie ran to catch up with him, “I’m really sorry about them. They don’t always act like that” Jamie pleaded.

“I bet they do” Andy rebutted back.

She grabbed his arm so he would stop walking away from her. “Andy, I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. Let me buy you dinner. Now. We can go and get some pizza and just have fun. Together and alone.”

He nodded and took her hand and walked down the street to where they saw shop signs.
*****
Jamie’s phone rang with her text message tone “Three Wishes” by the Pierces. She opened her phone and as Nate’s name pop up. The text just said “I miss you! Let’s hang out tonight.” Jamie smiled and texted “Let’s do it. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. I’ll call you later.”

Immediately her phone rang again and Gabe’s number came up. It took Jamie by surprise because he had never texted her before. He texted her, “You’re on FBR secrets. They’re calling you the Fueled By Groupie. Just giving you a heads up. XOXO Gossip Gabe.” She rolled her eyes and shut the phone, rolled over and closed her eyes again.

She woke up for the second time at 8 and took a shower. She quickly did her hair and put on clothes, so she could help set up the merch table for the Pink Spiders. When she arrived, the tent and table were already sat up and the guys were sitting around it in lawn chairs.

“You guys look comfy. Anyone hungry? I was going to go to the 7-11 across the street real quick and pick up some coffee.” Jamie asked.

“I’ll go with you” Matt answered and stood up. “We still have some time before gates open, so we should bring our passes.” He handed Jamie a pass with “Van’s Warped Tour: The Pink Spiders” printed on it.

The crossed the street and entered the nearly enter 7-11 and Jamie made her way to the coffee counter. She was pouring in cream and Matt handed her a vial.

“Pour this in your coffee” he said as he slipped it to her.

“What is it?” she asked.

“A low dose of PCP. It’ll make you feel relaxed. It’s really mellow. I promise.” Matt smiled and she couldn’t resist. She took the vial and thought about it for a few seconds. Before she could second guess herself, Matt took the vial back and poured it in the coffee for her. It would have been easy for her to just throw the coffee away, but she was beginning to like her new position as poster child for peer-pressure. Doing the drugs made her feel good and that she was being a little bad. She put the lid on and Matt smiled and she took the first sip.

Matt was holding a coffee carrier but he managed to put his arm around Jamie’s waist as they walked about across the street. When they got in, Jamie immeditaly spotted Andy. He saw her and waved her over. “Hey, um, the Butcher is over there. I just want to say ‘Good Morning’, and then I’ll meet you back at the tent.”

“Anything you say, little razorblade” Matt said as he kissed her on the cheek and watched her walk away.

“Good morning!” she yelled and jumped into Andy’s open arms. He spun her around and kissed her on the lips, and Jamie felt like she was in some romance movie. “Ahhh, don’t spill the coffee on yourself!”

“Um, that’s coffee? Can I have a sip?” He was reaching for her hand, when she pulled it away.

“No! I’m, uh, getting really sick, and I don’t want to get you sick” she pleaded.

“I’m still going to kiss you, so it doesn’t really matter. We can be sick together. And make soup.”

“But, it has a lot of sugar and cream, and nobody really likes their coffee that sweet besides me. I’m rotting my insides, and I don’t want to rot your also, because when my organs do fail, I plan on taking yours.”

Andy laughed, “Well thanks for looking out of me, and ensuring your future organ-stealing.”

“Well, it won’t be stealing if you say yes. And did you know that by law, if you yell ‘Surprise’ before sex, it’s not rape, even when it is!”

Andy smiled and kissed her again. “I’m starting to really love all these useless things you’re teaching me.”

Jamie laughed, “Well, I have to get back to work, but I’ll call you later. I’m hanging out with Nate tonight, maybe you want to do something with us?” she asked, and before he could answer, she turned and walked away. Matt was still waiting for her, so she walked over to him and he gave her another kiss on the cheek as Andy watched a couple of yards away. “Three Wishes” played out of Jamie’s phone again, and when she went to check it, it was a message from the Butcher. All it said was “I hate it when he kisses you.”

I'm Not in Love - Chapter 5

Jamie looked between the two guys. Sofapunch was filled with some of her best friends, but they weren’t understanding of her new lifestyle and friends. And she barely knew Matt, but she felt like they had been friends forever.

“You really want to make me chose?” Jamie asked Eric, hoping to get out of it. He nodded. “Okay, well, Eric, you’re one of my best friends, but I always get the feeling that your judging me, especially now. I don’t want you to be mad at me, but you have the right to, because I’m going to chose going with Matt.”

Eric was speechless. His jaw dropped, he had not expected that.

“Um, I’ll be back later tonight to get my stuff out of the bus” Jamie said before she walked around the other side of the table. Matt put his arm around her as they started to walk away. “Yet,” Jamie paused and looked up at Matt, “do you have any room for me on your bus? Because if you don’t, I’m sure I can find some other place to go.”

“No, we have tons of room,” Matt responded. “There are only like 5 of us, so we still have an empty bunk. You’re more the welcome to stay with us. We need a merch girl. Right now we have our friend, but he’s not really that hot, so he doesn’t drag the crowd in.”

*****
Jamie felt the tears well up in her eyes as she pushed her way through the crowd. She knew Andy would be mad with her decision to move out of the Sofapunch bus, but she didn’t really have a choice. And she knew that Andy wouldn’t be happy if she stayed with the Pink Spiders, but there was no room anywhere else. Jamie was beginning to feel like it was a bad idea for coming on Warped Tour in the first place. She just wanted to curl up in her own bed and forget this whole summer. But at the same time she was having the most fun she’s ever had.

She finally found the Academy Is tent and was relieved when she saw Alexis’s face behind the table. Jamie went around the back and whispered in her ear.

“Have you seen Andy? I really need to talk to him.” By this time, the tears were pouring freely down her face.

“Jamie, is everything okay? Are you hurt?” Alexis asked.

“No, I just really need to talk to him. It’s important.”

Alexis shook her head, “Sorry, I haven’t seen him.”

“Well, if you do, can you tell him to call me ASAP?” Jamie watched as Alexis nodded and walked away to the buses. It didn’t take long for her to find the silver and red bus, but it was completely empty. She finally decided to pull out her cell phone and call him, but it went straight to voicemail. The beep sounded and Jamie decided to leave a message, “Hey, it’s me” she started, but couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, “I really need to talk to you. I don’t have a place to stay. I can’t stay with SofaPunch anymore, and Matt offered that I stay with them, but I know you wouldn’t agree to that, but I don’t know what else to do. If you could give me a call, I’d really appreciate it.” She hung up and just sat on the steps on the bus for a few minutes thinking about her situation.
*****
Alexis ran toward them as they approached the bus. It was the first time she had seen them all day, so she didn’t have time to deliver the message to Butcher. She quickly kissed William on the cheek, but then pulled Butcher away from his friends so they could talk in private.

“Ouch, William, it looks like she’s leaving you for the Butcher. Sorry man.” Michael said and patted William on the back.

William’s face dropped and his eyes turned gloomy. “But, Alexis…” he shouted after her, “I love you.”

She turned around with an aggravated look on her face. “Yeah, I know. I just need to talk to Butcher.”

But William was unconvinced. “I will love you forever. Remember that when you’re with him” he shouted again. Alexis just looked back with an angry look on her face and shook her head. “But…” William started before Mike could interrupt.

“Dude, William, Chiz was only playin’. She still loves you. Chill out.” He put his hand on William’s back and lead him up the stairs.

Alexis pulled Andy to the side of the bus where she hoped no one would hear them. “I think Jamie is in trouble. She was really upset, and was looking for you, so she came up to me, but wouldn’t give me any information. I think it has something to do with drugs.”

“I talked to her,” Andy lied. “She called my phone and left a message so I called her back. Everything is cool.”

“What was going on?” Alexis pushed for more information.

“Oh,” Andy struggled to answer and Alexis knew it, “Nothing, you don’t need to worry about it.” He walked away and up the steps of the bus.
*****
Jamie was too frustrated to wait anymore. The Academy Is hadn’t even played yet, and she couldn’t find Butcher anywhere. She walked back to the Pink Spiders merch booth and sat down next to Matt.

“Did you talk to him?” he asked her immediately.

“I can’t find him. I’ve called and searched this whole place” Jamie responded.

“I can’t believe you’re even asking for his permission.”

“I’m not, but I know he cares about me, and I like him, and I want us to be happy” Jamie tried to defend herself, but she knew Matt was going to keep attacking her.

“Will he still care for you when you’re on the next plane back home and you’ll never see him again?” Matt asked.

“That won’t happen” Jamie answered.

“You’re staying with us?” Matt asked eagerly.

Jamie nodded and looked down shamefully. She knew it wasn’t the best idea, but she didn’t know what else to do. Immediately Matt stood up and enveloped her in a huge hug.

“Bob and Jon are going to be so excited to have a girl hanging around all of the time.”

Jamie laughed and put her arms around him. She was beginning to love him in a friendly way. He’d done so much to make sure that she could stay, and for that she owed him a lot.

“Let’s have a party tonight” he whispered in her ear.
*****
Alexis walked back on the bus and the first thing she saw was William with his head hung low. She sat down next to him and started rubbing his back. “William, what’s the matter?” She asked.

He looked up and Alexis realized that he had been crying. “I was so scared that you were going to leave me. I don’t know what I would do without you” William said through silent sobs.

Alexis pulled William toward her and cradled his torso in her lap. “Bill, I love you.” As soon as she said it, William’s eyes lit up and he kissed her passionately. They were interrupted when Butcher and Sisky came into the room.

“Hey, we’re going to play some Wii baseball. Hope you guys don’t mind” Sisky said as he pressed buttons to turn on the television and got out the remotes.

“Butcher, shouldn’t you be with Jamie?” Alexis asked.

“I told you she was alright. This is a boys night.” He said back rudely.

“Well, in that case, I’ll be going. I’ll see you guys later.” Alexis shouted and stormed out of the bus.

Alexis’ shouts drew Mike and Michael to the front of the bus. “Wait,” Mike started, “I totally missed something. Did something happen with Jamie?” he asked.

“No” Butcher replied coldly.

“So, seriously, why aren’t you with her. You spend 90 percent of your day with us” Michael said.

“Because, I like her, but I can already feel the pressure of her life coming down on me. I don’t even know if I want it to be this serious. She’s a cool girl, and I like her a lot, but this is just too much drama for me” Andy shouted at his friends.

“Dude, Andy, chill out,” Sisky started. “You’re being ridiculous right now. From what I heard from Alexis, Jamie has been trying to get a hold of you all day and you’re completely ignored her. If you like her, call her back, or better yet, go find her. Show her that you like her, because honestly, if you don’t, she has her pick of the gentlemen.”

“I just don’t know if I want to start a relationship right now” Andy said back shyly.

“Then tell her how you feel, and what you want in a relationship and I’m sure she’ll understand. Jamie is chill as hell and it’s not fair that you’re treating her this way. She obviously likes you, so don’t abuse that.” Sisky finished his monologue and walked out of the section and into where the beds were.

Andy walked down the stairs of the bus and dialed Jamie’s number. It went straight to voice mail, so after the beep, Andy left his message. “Hey, sorry I didn’t get in contact with you earlier. I really have no excuse. Please call me back, I really want to talk to you. Actually, I’m going to go find you. Okay, bye” and hung up his phone. He had a pretty good idea of where she was
*****
Jamie watched as Jon and Matt pulled out an old trashcan and wood from their equipment truck and started kindling a fire. The day had been hot, but Jamie was starting to feel chillier has the sun went down. Only minutes earlier they got down helping her move her stuff over into the new bus, and now they were celebrating their new bus-mate. The fire began to grow as did the circle around it. Jamie looked from face to face, and most were familiar, but she didn’t know them by name.

Matt then stood up and held his beer above his head, “This is to our new bus-mate, our little razorblade, Jamie.” Everyone cheered and Jamie turned red as they started yelling “Speech”.

She stood up awkwardly and began to speak, “Well, thanks everyone. And thank you to Matt, Jon, and Bob who took me in when I didn’t have a place to stay. So, I guess just, party on!” There were claps and everyone took a sip from their bottles.

A couple of minutes went by when someone stood up to present the group with something. “Guys, I got the best dope” he said in a hushed voice. Jamie saw as a couple of people smiled and nodded around the circle.

“Does he mean dope as in pot?” Jamie asked Matt, who was sitting right next to her.

“Nah. People that don’t do drugs call pot dope, but druggies use dope as a word for heroin” Matt whispered back to her. He pulled down the long, un-seasonable gloves that he was always wearing when Jamie realized she had never seen him without them on. Underneath there were trackmarks that were bruising and scars from past uses.

Jamie gently ran her fingertips over the raised skin and her breath got caught in her throat. “I can’t do that.”

“I didn’t expect you to. I don’t want this to happen to you. I have something else for you” he said as he reached in his pocket.

“Please no more speed. I haven’ slept in days. Seriously, I need to crash tonight, I’m beginning to feel like shit.”

“Okay,” Matt said and took his hand out of his pocket. The bag of white powder had made its way around the circle and was now in Matt’s hands. “Be right back, Jon hold this” he said as he got up and handed the bag to Jon.

“Do you do it too?” Jamie asked him.

“No,” She knew that he did other drugs, but she was relieved with this answer, “I never let myself get into heroin. It’s too dangerous.”

Matt came back with a strap and needle in hand and made his way to the chair.

“I can’t watch you do this to yourself” Jamie said and got up from the chair. She walked to the bus doors when she realized someone was following her. She turned around and it was Jon. He noticed that she had tears in her eyes and he pulled her into a hug. “Matt’s my friend and I don’t want him to see him hurt himself” she cried into his chest.

“I know,” Jon said, “Let’s get you into bed. How long has it been since you slept?”

“Three days. Well, did sleep for an hour two nights ago, but nothing last night” she answered.

“You’re going to crash and you probably won’t wake up for at least 15 hours. Nobody will be able to wake you up, but you’ll probably hear them talking to you in your sleep” Jon informed her.

“Yeah, I know the drill. Well, thank you for letting me stay here.”

“It’s our pleasure” Jon answered and made his way back to the circle. Jamie walked onto the bus and immediately back to the bunks. She picked out a pair of shorts and a tank top to wear to bed and started undressing. She had just put on the shorts, but remained topless (besides a bra), when she felt arms around her stomach. Startled, Jamie turned around and saw Matt standing behind her.

“I just wanted to wish my little razorblade pleasant dreams” he said and kissed her.

Jamie didn’t get a chance to say anything before he walked off again. She slipped into the bunk and pulled the curtain shut. Thought of Andy filled her head, and how late they were playing their show that night, and she began to wonder what he was doing. But before she knew it, her eyes were closed.