I'm Not in Love - Chapter 5

Jamie looked between the two guys. Sofapunch was filled with some of her best friends, but they weren’t understanding of her new lifestyle and friends. And she barely knew Matt, but she felt like they had been friends forever.

“You really want to make me chose?” Jamie asked Eric, hoping to get out of it. He nodded. “Okay, well, Eric, you’re one of my best friends, but I always get the feeling that your judging me, especially now. I don’t want you to be mad at me, but you have the right to, because I’m going to chose going with Matt.”

Eric was speechless. His jaw dropped, he had not expected that.

“Um, I’ll be back later tonight to get my stuff out of the bus” Jamie said before she walked around the other side of the table. Matt put his arm around her as they started to walk away. “Yet,” Jamie paused and looked up at Matt, “do you have any room for me on your bus? Because if you don’t, I’m sure I can find some other place to go.”

“No, we have tons of room,” Matt responded. “There are only like 5 of us, so we still have an empty bunk. You’re more the welcome to stay with us. We need a merch girl. Right now we have our friend, but he’s not really that hot, so he doesn’t drag the crowd in.”

*****
Jamie felt the tears well up in her eyes as she pushed her way through the crowd. She knew Andy would be mad with her decision to move out of the Sofapunch bus, but she didn’t really have a choice. And she knew that Andy wouldn’t be happy if she stayed with the Pink Spiders, but there was no room anywhere else. Jamie was beginning to feel like it was a bad idea for coming on Warped Tour in the first place. She just wanted to curl up in her own bed and forget this whole summer. But at the same time she was having the most fun she’s ever had.

She finally found the Academy Is tent and was relieved when she saw Alexis’s face behind the table. Jamie went around the back and whispered in her ear.

“Have you seen Andy? I really need to talk to him.” By this time, the tears were pouring freely down her face.

“Jamie, is everything okay? Are you hurt?” Alexis asked.

“No, I just really need to talk to him. It’s important.”

Alexis shook her head, “Sorry, I haven’t seen him.”

“Well, if you do, can you tell him to call me ASAP?” Jamie watched as Alexis nodded and walked away to the buses. It didn’t take long for her to find the silver and red bus, but it was completely empty. She finally decided to pull out her cell phone and call him, but it went straight to voicemail. The beep sounded and Jamie decided to leave a message, “Hey, it’s me” she started, but couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, “I really need to talk to you. I don’t have a place to stay. I can’t stay with SofaPunch anymore, and Matt offered that I stay with them, but I know you wouldn’t agree to that, but I don’t know what else to do. If you could give me a call, I’d really appreciate it.” She hung up and just sat on the steps on the bus for a few minutes thinking about her situation.
*****
Alexis ran toward them as they approached the bus. It was the first time she had seen them all day, so she didn’t have time to deliver the message to Butcher. She quickly kissed William on the cheek, but then pulled Butcher away from his friends so they could talk in private.

“Ouch, William, it looks like she’s leaving you for the Butcher. Sorry man.” Michael said and patted William on the back.

William’s face dropped and his eyes turned gloomy. “But, Alexis…” he shouted after her, “I love you.”

She turned around with an aggravated look on her face. “Yeah, I know. I just need to talk to Butcher.”

But William was unconvinced. “I will love you forever. Remember that when you’re with him” he shouted again. Alexis just looked back with an angry look on her face and shook her head. “But…” William started before Mike could interrupt.

“Dude, William, Chiz was only playin’. She still loves you. Chill out.” He put his hand on William’s back and lead him up the stairs.

Alexis pulled Andy to the side of the bus where she hoped no one would hear them. “I think Jamie is in trouble. She was really upset, and was looking for you, so she came up to me, but wouldn’t give me any information. I think it has something to do with drugs.”

“I talked to her,” Andy lied. “She called my phone and left a message so I called her back. Everything is cool.”

“What was going on?” Alexis pushed for more information.

“Oh,” Andy struggled to answer and Alexis knew it, “Nothing, you don’t need to worry about it.” He walked away and up the steps of the bus.
*****
Jamie was too frustrated to wait anymore. The Academy Is hadn’t even played yet, and she couldn’t find Butcher anywhere. She walked back to the Pink Spiders merch booth and sat down next to Matt.

“Did you talk to him?” he asked her immediately.

“I can’t find him. I’ve called and searched this whole place” Jamie responded.

“I can’t believe you’re even asking for his permission.”

“I’m not, but I know he cares about me, and I like him, and I want us to be happy” Jamie tried to defend herself, but she knew Matt was going to keep attacking her.

“Will he still care for you when you’re on the next plane back home and you’ll never see him again?” Matt asked.

“That won’t happen” Jamie answered.

“You’re staying with us?” Matt asked eagerly.

Jamie nodded and looked down shamefully. She knew it wasn’t the best idea, but she didn’t know what else to do. Immediately Matt stood up and enveloped her in a huge hug.

“Bob and Jon are going to be so excited to have a girl hanging around all of the time.”

Jamie laughed and put her arms around him. She was beginning to love him in a friendly way. He’d done so much to make sure that she could stay, and for that she owed him a lot.

“Let’s have a party tonight” he whispered in her ear.
*****
Alexis walked back on the bus and the first thing she saw was William with his head hung low. She sat down next to him and started rubbing his back. “William, what’s the matter?” She asked.

He looked up and Alexis realized that he had been crying. “I was so scared that you were going to leave me. I don’t know what I would do without you” William said through silent sobs.

Alexis pulled William toward her and cradled his torso in her lap. “Bill, I love you.” As soon as she said it, William’s eyes lit up and he kissed her passionately. They were interrupted when Butcher and Sisky came into the room.

“Hey, we’re going to play some Wii baseball. Hope you guys don’t mind” Sisky said as he pressed buttons to turn on the television and got out the remotes.

“Butcher, shouldn’t you be with Jamie?” Alexis asked.

“I told you she was alright. This is a boys night.” He said back rudely.

“Well, in that case, I’ll be going. I’ll see you guys later.” Alexis shouted and stormed out of the bus.

Alexis’ shouts drew Mike and Michael to the front of the bus. “Wait,” Mike started, “I totally missed something. Did something happen with Jamie?” he asked.

“No” Butcher replied coldly.

“So, seriously, why aren’t you with her. You spend 90 percent of your day with us” Michael said.

“Because, I like her, but I can already feel the pressure of her life coming down on me. I don’t even know if I want it to be this serious. She’s a cool girl, and I like her a lot, but this is just too much drama for me” Andy shouted at his friends.

“Dude, Andy, chill out,” Sisky started. “You’re being ridiculous right now. From what I heard from Alexis, Jamie has been trying to get a hold of you all day and you’re completely ignored her. If you like her, call her back, or better yet, go find her. Show her that you like her, because honestly, if you don’t, she has her pick of the gentlemen.”

“I just don’t know if I want to start a relationship right now” Andy said back shyly.

“Then tell her how you feel, and what you want in a relationship and I’m sure she’ll understand. Jamie is chill as hell and it’s not fair that you’re treating her this way. She obviously likes you, so don’t abuse that.” Sisky finished his monologue and walked out of the section and into where the beds were.

Andy walked down the stairs of the bus and dialed Jamie’s number. It went straight to voice mail, so after the beep, Andy left his message. “Hey, sorry I didn’t get in contact with you earlier. I really have no excuse. Please call me back, I really want to talk to you. Actually, I’m going to go find you. Okay, bye” and hung up his phone. He had a pretty good idea of where she was
*****
Jamie watched as Jon and Matt pulled out an old trashcan and wood from their equipment truck and started kindling a fire. The day had been hot, but Jamie was starting to feel chillier has the sun went down. Only minutes earlier they got down helping her move her stuff over into the new bus, and now they were celebrating their new bus-mate. The fire began to grow as did the circle around it. Jamie looked from face to face, and most were familiar, but she didn’t know them by name.

Matt then stood up and held his beer above his head, “This is to our new bus-mate, our little razorblade, Jamie.” Everyone cheered and Jamie turned red as they started yelling “Speech”.

She stood up awkwardly and began to speak, “Well, thanks everyone. And thank you to Matt, Jon, and Bob who took me in when I didn’t have a place to stay. So, I guess just, party on!” There were claps and everyone took a sip from their bottles.

A couple of minutes went by when someone stood up to present the group with something. “Guys, I got the best dope” he said in a hushed voice. Jamie saw as a couple of people smiled and nodded around the circle.

“Does he mean dope as in pot?” Jamie asked Matt, who was sitting right next to her.

“Nah. People that don’t do drugs call pot dope, but druggies use dope as a word for heroin” Matt whispered back to her. He pulled down the long, un-seasonable gloves that he was always wearing when Jamie realized she had never seen him without them on. Underneath there were trackmarks that were bruising and scars from past uses.

Jamie gently ran her fingertips over the raised skin and her breath got caught in her throat. “I can’t do that.”

“I didn’t expect you to. I don’t want this to happen to you. I have something else for you” he said as he reached in his pocket.

“Please no more speed. I haven’ slept in days. Seriously, I need to crash tonight, I’m beginning to feel like shit.”

“Okay,” Matt said and took his hand out of his pocket. The bag of white powder had made its way around the circle and was now in Matt’s hands. “Be right back, Jon hold this” he said as he got up and handed the bag to Jon.

“Do you do it too?” Jamie asked him.

“No,” She knew that he did other drugs, but she was relieved with this answer, “I never let myself get into heroin. It’s too dangerous.”

Matt came back with a strap and needle in hand and made his way to the chair.

“I can’t watch you do this to yourself” Jamie said and got up from the chair. She walked to the bus doors when she realized someone was following her. She turned around and it was Jon. He noticed that she had tears in her eyes and he pulled her into a hug. “Matt’s my friend and I don’t want him to see him hurt himself” she cried into his chest.

“I know,” Jon said, “Let’s get you into bed. How long has it been since you slept?”

“Three days. Well, did sleep for an hour two nights ago, but nothing last night” she answered.

“You’re going to crash and you probably won’t wake up for at least 15 hours. Nobody will be able to wake you up, but you’ll probably hear them talking to you in your sleep” Jon informed her.

“Yeah, I know the drill. Well, thank you for letting me stay here.”

“It’s our pleasure” Jon answered and made his way back to the circle. Jamie walked onto the bus and immediately back to the bunks. She picked out a pair of shorts and a tank top to wear to bed and started undressing. She had just put on the shorts, but remained topless (besides a bra), when she felt arms around her stomach. Startled, Jamie turned around and saw Matt standing behind her.

“I just wanted to wish my little razorblade pleasant dreams” he said and kissed her.

Jamie didn’t get a chance to say anything before he walked off again. She slipped into the bunk and pulled the curtain shut. Thought of Andy filled her head, and how late they were playing their show that night, and she began to wonder what he was doing. But before she knew it, her eyes were closed.